'Oh, you know, boys will be boys.' I can't tell you how many times I've heard this to excuse male behaviour. It's one of the those frustratingly misogynistic phrases - and the double standard it represents is seeping its way into the Love Islandvilla.
Dami Hope was coupled up withIndiyah Polack and was a very popular Islander with viewers until he went rogue in Casa Amor. While justifying his Casa Amor antics to Indiyah - which included kissing new bombshell Summer Botwe in less than 24 hours and a three-way kiss in bed - he pegged his behaviour on just 'being a man'. Indiyah was instantly horrified at his statement - as she should be. Why does being a man mean you get a pass for disrespectful behaviour?
The 'boys will be boys' trope is extremely damaging. It reminds me of school, when a boy would get physically aggressive on the playground and a mum would chuckle in response, 'Oh it's fine - boys will be boys'. First, the phrase implies that boys are biologically wired to be disrespectful and emotionally checked out - and they should be excused from any consequences for those behaviours.
It reflects our society's tendency to forgive men's poor behaviour because we believe it is somehow wired within their DNA. It's an easy excuse to fall back on, and causes adults and children alike to accept negative behaviours and implies that this behaviour is not within their control.
There have been a lot of double standards in the villa that has been brushed off as 'lads’ behaviour'. When Tasha Ghouridared to admit to wanting to get to know bombshell Charlie Radnedge on a dating show, of all places, the boys condemned her. Yet her partner Andrew Le Page happily had bombshell Coco Lodge's tit in his mouthduring Casa Amor - and might I add, the boys found it hysterical. The boys previously came out in full force to slate her and call her fake. Meanwhile Andrew’s antics were championed by the boys.
Let's jump back to earlier in the season when Ekin-Suwas crawling on the terrace and kissed Jay Younger. While she didn't go about it in the best way, theDavide SanclimentiDefence League came out in full force to call her out. But in Casa Amor when Jacques O'Neilland Dami were kissing multiple women on the terrace they all egged each other on. Is all of this just ‘boys will be boys’ behaviour too?
The gendered language we use has power. It creates a toxic culture where men are not called out on their actions. Excusing men's poor behaviour towards women as ‘just being boys,’ is harmful: everyone should be held accountable for their behaviour. You can't blame Love Island either: what we’re watching is simply a group of young men who thrive in a society in which double standards towards women, especially in the dating world, run rampant.