It appears the men (boys) on Made in Chelsea are stuck in a perpetual state of year ten-dom, despite the fact some of them are speeding towards 'midlife'. Every episode, a new case of astoundingly immature, toxic and distinctly unfunny behaviour seems to take hold. It is usually disguised as ‘banter’, and a woman is almost always the but of said 'joke'.
In season 29, we have witnessed more than enough of these cases, and we’re here to lay down the law. Let’s begin with Freddy Knatchbull – offspring of the aristocracy with tenuous links to the crown – who is almost 21 years old. Throughout this season, we have seen him hellbent on humiliating his then-girlfriend, Beks Collins. It started in the Maldives, when he was seemingly promising her the world in private and then telling ‘the boys’ he didn’t see a future with her on a night out – something that got back to Beks in front of the whole group and played out on TV.
Freddy then proceeded to double down and lie to both ‘the boys’ and Beks, before u-turning back in London and telling Beks the truth - but instead of breaking up with her himself, he instead insisted she must want to pull the plug. When Beks refused to bite, Freddy then admitted he didn’t see a future with her and wants to date other people and she finally walked away. A week later Freddy arrived at a party with a love bite on his neck and had already matched with someone on a dating app.
Quickly, in Freddy’s eyes, Beks went from being his girlfriend to someone he could disregard and mock with his friends. Enter villain number two, Jack Taylor, who might better be described as a villain’s accomplice. In episode six, it was revealed that Jack videoed Freddy kissing another girl on a night out and decided to not only post said video on Instagram but tag Beks. This would be a cruel move even if they were all in year 10, but these people are grown ass men. Business owners, even! Jack’s defence? Freddy dared him to do it. We rest our case.
Do you know who’s not much better? Jack’s older brother, James Taylor, who has been on the show since 2017 and married his former best friend’s ex-girlfriend, Maeva D’Ascanio, in 2023. In the last episode, James, almost entirely unprompted, told his little brother’s friends that Jack’s new girlfriend Livvy Barker (who seems great) recently joined them on a family holiday and seemed a bit ‘vanilla’. He also complained that Jack ‘doesn’t go out anymore’ and has become ‘boring’ since getting into a relationship. We charge him with two counts of hypocrisy. And while we’re at it, as a married father living in Hertfordshire, what possesses you to slag off your 22-year-old brother’s new girlfriend on TV?
Well, the best way to judge someone is by their friends, and James is friends with the likes of Sam Prince, who is arguably Made in Chelsea’s biggest villain to date. Yes, that includes Spencer Matthews. Sam dates like he’s in a video game – jumping around, knocking people out and restarting the game as and when he pleases. He has a knack for bouncing between girlfriends, getting with their friends, trying to get with his own friends’ girlfriends, and leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.
This season alone we have seen him attempt to lure Livvy away from Jack, attempt to lure Jules away from Tristan, take his ex-girlfriend Yasmine’s friend Zeyno on a date, argue with Yas and then kiss her in the back of a cab, and then bid for a styling session with Zeyno at a charity auction before telling everyone it ‘pains’ him to have to text her. All the while oozing pomposity out of his glands like a skunk.
What all these cast members have in common is a desperation to simultaneously impress and one up one another. One thing’s for sure; they’re not impressing us. Special mention to Miles Nazaire, Reza Amiri-Garroussi, Sam Vanderpump, David ‘Temps’ Templer and Tristan Phipps, who have admittedly all caused chaos in the past, but seem to have grown beyond their villainy this season – more good guy story arcs, please!
Nikki Peach is a writer at Grazia UK, working across pop culture, TV and news. She has also written for the i, i-D and the New Statesman Media Group and covers all things TV for Grazia (treating high and lowbrow shows with equal respect).