Ariana Grande And The Rise Of The “Dating Exit Interview”

Remember 10 years ago when ending a relationship meant blocking their phone number, banishing all good memories to the darkest corners of our mind and pretending said person never existed? Yeah, we can’t do that anymore. More than that, we seem to be embracing the absolute opposite and actually rehashing our relationship mistakes with our exes. At least, Ariana Grande reportedly is.

The global treasure was spotted hanging around with Big Sean, Ricky Alvarez and Graham Phillips in the weeks running up to her Sweetner tour, which kicked off this week. Why has she suddenly decided to get back in contact with the very men we assumed she was leaving in the past a la ‘thank u, next’? Well, according to Us Weekly, she’s seeking closure and wants to know more about why the relationships failed for her own self-awareness.

‘After “Thank U, Next” came out, Ariana was really living her single life and being with her friends, learning about herself,’ an insider reportedly told the publication, ‘she didn’t want any bad blood holding her back from the next phase of her life. She has reached out to her exes to have a positive place in her life right now and for peace of mind, so she can focus on herself and this tour, which is the only thing on her mind right now.’

At first glance, it screams classic Ariana. Despite her commitment to being onto the next again and again in the global anthem that took over our playlists for months last year, she is vocal about her journey of self-discovery and taking time to learn more about herself. It’s why her positive attitude in the song was so heavily praised, and what led her to promote the importance of therapy to her fans when they asked who had gotten her to such a healthy place emotionally given the tragic death of her ex-boyfriend Mac Miller and soon-after called off engagement to Pete Davidson.

But with further investigation, we must ask, is rehashing old relationships for ‘closure’ really the healthy thing to do? According to psychologist and Counselling Directory member, Philip Karahassan, it can actually serve the opposite purpose.

‘It might seem like a good idea to get back in touch with an ex to learn why things didn't work out,’ he said, ‘However, by getting back in touch, it is igniting those feelings of love and lust from the past, which could stop you from feeling able to dissociate from that relationship and move on.’

Click through to see Ariana's full relationship history...

However, in a world where we tend to see our exes strewn across our social media feeds, viewing our Instagram stories and even seeing they’re activity on accounts we don’t even follow online that pushes us towards the need to contact an ex. ‘Just seeing your ex’s name or a familiar situation that you associate with them will lead your brain to elicit dopamine,’ he continued, ‘which is what gives you the "need" to contact an ex.’

And it’s not just a case of blocking your ex or muting their online profiles, because actually, Karahassan says, social media in general is forcing us to need validation in every area of our lives. It’s why even after a brief fling or casual date that didn’t go anywhere, some people feel the need to contact you to find out what went wrong. Essentially, the way in which we now treat dating as if it’s a career, conducting exit interviews and requiring feedback is an indicator of just how needy we’ve become from posting our lives online.

‘We are used to getting validation through social media, whether that is likes on Facebook, followers on Instagram or retweets on Twitter,’ he says, ‘Therefore the act of sex or a date is no longer enough. Many feel the need to be praised and validated by others. In the past, you would only get validation from a handful of people. Now we have the whole world to give it to us through social media. This has had a knock-on effect to the way we seek validation - not just online but throughout our lives.’

Of course, that’s not to say that Ariana – or any of us, for that matter – are seeking validation. She, and we, could genuinely want to reconnect and understand how we may have harmed others. However, it’s worth asking – if you’re ever on the verge of messaging an ex to find out what they really thought about your break-up, or asking a Tinder date why they ghosted you – what, and who, are you really doing it for?