There are many markers of a relationship’s evolution – first kiss, meeting the parents, moving in together. Sometimes they can be arbitrary in judging a couple’s connection, but either way as human beings we do tend to look for ways of demonstrating or testing our bond with loved ones.
Spooning seems to be a huge talking point when it comes to testing a couple’s intimacy levels, as discussions around it are circulating on top reality TV dating shows Love Island and I Kissed A Boy.
For instance, in Love Island’s first week we’ve seen couples such as Molly and Mitchel spoon after knowing each other a couple of days. Fans took to Twitter to voice their excitement at things progressing so quickly, and some seemed surprised that a couple would spoon so early.
On I Kissed A Boy – which has received love from reality TV lovers, especially due to its representation of the queer dating scene – spooning is a hot topic amongst contestants in the Masseria. One of the first questions that’s often asked when people couple up is ‘are you going to spoon’, or the extremely contentious matter of who is going to be big or little spoon.
So first of all, why the sudden obsession with spooning? Sexologist Ness Cooper suggests it may show a departure in focus from more ‘extreme acts of intimacy’ (so more explicit sexual acts) to a more subtle, nuanced one.
‘Spooning has always been popular; however it’s often overlooked as it can be seen as a fairly innocent position to lie and hug someone in,’ she adds.
She goes on to explain why spooning can make you feel connected to your partner: ‘When you spoon another person, your breathing can match theirs easier as your bodies match each other’s diaphragm movements,’ she says. ‘This can help you both feel closer and more in sync with each other.’
But what does spooning actually indicate in terms of intimacy and your relationship’s durability – when you’re not talking about it with others before or after the fact but actually doing it? It arguably requires a different kind of physical closeness than sex, and this can often be intimidating for those who have trouble with trust and emotional connections.
‘To spoon you need to be able to feel vulnerable with the other person, particularly if you are the one facing away, as you can’t see what’s happening behind you,’ Ness adds. ‘This means spooning can demonstrate that you trust each other.’
We also know that spooning releases various hormones, including oxytocin – known as the love hormone – dopamine, the reward hormone that we also regularly feel the effects of after exercise and serotonin, which helps regulate mood, appetite and sleep. So it can feel good, but is it a good indicator of a good match?
‘Couples can spoon to increase intimacy and the warmth of each other can be reassuring,’ Ness explains. ‘But there isn’t a one size fits rule when it comes to the meanings behind spooning – some people feel it’s a sign of closeness in a relationship and others can see it as a sign that there’s a need for a repair.
‘I have known a few couples to use spooning as a way of stonewalling after an argument as one partner will turn away from the other.’
It’s definitely worth bearing in mind that while spooning can feel amazing and indicate chemistry between you and your partner, it certainly doesn’t guarantee relationship success, and doing it earlier doesn’t mean you’re meant to be.
But by all means, just like our pals on Love Island and I Kissed A Boy, we should certainly enjoy the happy hormones that this specific type of cuddling brings.