We have a confession. While we are absolutely thrilled thatSex and the City is filming a reboot, and while we will absolutely be tuning in as soon as it arrives on our television screens, we just can't shake the feeling that it's all a bit redundant without Samantha Jones.
If you've missed that aspect of the news, brace yourself: Samantha Jones will not be part of the show - titled And Just Like That - as iconic actress Kim Cattrall will not be returning to the role. When this was originally confirmed, there was an enormous amount of internet buzz that we could summarise as 'WTAF?', with many suggesting that Samantha's absence would mean that the sex was officially leaving the city. As yet, though, there has been no intel on how the writers will explain the removal of one quarter of the core group and so, obviously, we couldn't help but wonder: how will they explain Samantha's absence? What do you think they've got cooking? We have some theories.
Samantha Jones is dead
Our instinct says that this is the option the writers are going to go with. It is the obvious choice, and it would be very easy to simply state that the breast cancer that Samantha had struggled with in the original show's final season had returned, and this time she did not survive it. But we don't love this idea. It falls in line with one of our least favourite TV tropes: the death of the party girl as punishment and deterrent. It also feels like a final act of vengeance after years of alleged bad blood between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim. You can read more about this here.
If they do kill of Samantha, we actually think they should really think outside the box and ensure that she dies as she lived: having sex. Perhaps she could be making love on a yacht which sinks. Or making love on a plane that crashes. Or making love in a limo that... oh you get the point.
Samantha Jones has moved
The first Sex and the City film saw Samantha relocate to America's West Coast, making regular trips to New York before eventually returning to the Big Apple after ending things with Smith. Perhaps she could rethink things and head back to California to pick things back up with the gorgeous neighbour, Dante. Or she could pick somewhere new altogether.
She could, perhaps, go on a work sabbatical in London or Paris: any major city that could use the services of a successful publicist with a wide range of completely random clients. This could be explained with an occasional reference to Samantha. You can easily imagine the resulting exchange:
Charlotte: 'I wonder what Samantha's doing right now!'
Carrie: 'Well, she's in London: she's probably up Big Ben.'
Miranda: 'Honey, Big Ben's closed for renovations...'
Carrie: 'I wasn't talking about the clock.'*
*Yes, Big Ben is the bell, not the clock, but Carrie wouldn't know that, would she? She thought her love life was like The Troubles.
Samantha Jones is busy
We actually love the idea that Samantha's absence is explained simply through a series of indistinct, unremarkable absences. She is, after all, a high powered, successful independent woman with a high sex drive. Every time Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda sit down for brunch they could get a text from Samantha saying 'sorry girls, going to miss this one. I'm at a benefit/a gala/an orgy.'
Then they'd shrug and carry on with their days.
Samantha Jones has dumped her friends
Carrie is the worst person in the world. Charlotte is a prude. Miranda is actually amazing but she and Samantha have never been particularly close. So, it would be completely reasonable for Samantha, the most independent of the quartet, to realise at last that she's been moving through life with dead weight. Hopefully she broke the news on a Post-It.
Samantha Jones has been dumped by her friends
Samantha shagged Miranda's son Brady at his eighteenth birthday party and was shunned from the group. They never speak of her again, but Carrie thinks of her every time she eats rice pudding. This would actually be a logical storyline: Kim apparently lost interest in a third film when she discovered that her primary plot line involved Brady having a crush on her.
Those seem like the possible options to us. Have we struck gold? We'll have to see. But Darren Star, if you're reading this, we're going to want a writing credit if any of the above specifics end up on screen.
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