‘We Need To Talk About New Mum Loneliness’

Binky Felstead - who is appearing at The Baby Show this weekend - reveals what it’s like going from one to two, and why we need to talk about new mum loneliness

Binky Felstead

by Maria Lally |
Updated on

You gave birth to your son Wolfie last summer – what has it been like going from one to two?

‘It’s definitely different, and a bit of a juggle. But I’ve absolutely loved watching India [Binky’s 4-year-old daughter] and Wolfie develop their new little relationship. He’s nearly 9-months-old, so he’s sitting up now and he’s able to interact a bit more with her. She adores him, and is slightly heavy handed in that well-meaning, big sister way, trying to pick him up and so on. She just adores him and is so protective, and he in turn just thinks she’s the funniest person in the world. It’s so heart warming to watch.

'However, as most mums will know when they go from one to two, time becomes a lot more precious. But I’m loving it overall, I’ve just had to get a whole lot more organised and get us all into some kind of a routine. And I always ask for help when I need it. So many mothers try and do everything, but where possible you should always ask for help if it all feels too much.’

How is India as a big sister?

‘She’s incredible. They have a four year ago gap, which I think helps. There’s absolutely no jealousy between them and she loves helping me, whether I’m making him a bottle or changing his nappy. She’s got that maternal instinct I think a lot of little girls have. When I pick her up from school she loves showing him off to all her friends.’

What are your favourite – and least favourite – bits of motherhood?

‘There are so many favourites it’s hard to pick just one. I love watching this little person you’ve created blossom and see their personality grow. I appreciate everything so much more since becoming a mother, and I’ve realised that the best things in life are often the simplest. I love making memories with India and Wolfie, just little picnics, camping trips, even walking down to the duck pond at the end of our road. I’ve never been happier.

‘But alongside that, being a mum can be tough. The hardest thing is the pressure we put on ourselves to be the perfect mum all the time. We should all realise that our best is good enough. I have those days where I don’t feel great, I’m really tired, I haven’t slept, and you realise you’ve stopped being the priority, your kids are. As they should be, but we need to remember that old cliché, happy mum means happy baby. We have to make sure we’re taking care of ourselves. Wolfie doesn’t sleep past 5am at the moment, so I’m constantly exhausted. Exercise really helps me, so I try to fit some movement in first thing. I feel mentally amazing afterwards, and strong and energised. The other hard thing about motherhood is the loneliness. I definitely felt it more when I had India, because I was quite a young mum and I felt my identity shifting. It was pretty isolating, and I don’t think we talk about loneliness and motherhood enough.’

What baby products can you not live without, and why?

‘Coconut oil for your skin, or your baby’s skin (Wolfie has really dry skin). I also love the My Little Coco range, which includes everything from sleep sprays, to hair products and body oil. I especially love their My Little Everything Balm, which really does do everything.’

What about beauty products?

‘I love MAC Studio Face and Body Radiant Sheer Foundation, which I’ve been using for years. I don’t like wearing thick, heavy make-up, and this one is very light, dewy and airbrushes out the effects of all those 5am starts and makes me look like I’ve had some sleep! And I love Charlotte Tilbury Magic Cream, which is a moisturiser that does the same.’

What has it been like having a baby and starting your parenting platform, @bloss.life

‘Since I’ve become a mum in the public eye, I’ve met so many incredible experts, so it was really about wanting to bring them all together in one place. Before bloss, I used to google everything I was worried about, but there was an overwhelming amount of information out there, and some of it dated. With bloss, there’s no one-size-fits all approach to parenting, but rather a few different takes on different topics, which allows you to pick the one that suits your style of parenting. It’s a really safe space, and I’m so proud of it.

‘It’s hard work starting a business alongside raising kids, but I try to make work fit around my children rather than the other way around. India being at school helps, and like a lot of mums I work around naptimes. But I love being busy, and it feels nice to be giving something back.’

You can hear more from Binky at The Baby Show taking place 4-6 March at London Excel. Binky is on The Live Talks Stage on Sunday 6th March at 1.15pm. It’s the UK's leading baby & parenting show in London ExCel, London Olympia, and the Birmingham NEC. Everything for bump, baby and you under one roof.

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