Oh Reddit, a hotbed of delicious debates to get you riled up on a Friday afternoon. Today's? An ‘Am I The Arsehole’ question so juicy we wish we could’ve witnessed the drama in person. ‘AITA for yelling at another parent during pickup?’ the headline reads. On first thought, one might jump to ‘ERM, YES?’ but wait a second, dear reader, because the root of this argument may have you thinking otherwise.
The OP (original poster) begins by explaining that he has a son named Robin. That is his son’s full, legal name – not a nickname. But that’s not the name one volunteer mother at the school chooses to call him, during pick-up times when the OP arrives to collect his son, the mother will only ever call for Robin using the name ‘Robert’.
‘I'll drive up and she'll go to get my son yelling "Robert, Robert!"’ the OP describes. ‘The first few weeks I brushed it off because learning the names of a bunch of different kids is hard. I would just tell her when she came back over with my son "actually his name is Robin." I've said this almost every single day for over a month now. Last week I saw her at a school function and went up and introduced myself and basically said "I'm Robin's father. You might recognize me from pickup. By the way, his name isn't Robert."’
According to the OP, the mother went on to say that she considers ‘Robin’ to be a ‘girl’s name’ and not a good nickname for Robert, and so she would call him by his ‘real name’ instead. Even after the OP explained that Robin is not a nickname for Robert, she continued to call him so.
‘On Friday, when she called my son “Robert”, I asked her what her problem was in a very loud voice,’ the OP says. ‘I shouted loud enough that a teacher ran over. The volunteer [mum] ran away, and I tried to explain. The teacher looked at me like I had three heads and said she would go get my son. I got an email later asking me to come in Monday for a meeting.’
Now, the OP is wondering whether he should apologise for shouting at the mother or demand an apology for the ‘constant disrespect.’ Near 2,000 replies later, it’s fair to say most commenters think he is not at all ‘the arsehole’.
The parent in this scenario is trying to push her gender bias on your son.
‘I am a teacher, and we try very hard to honour student names,’ one person replied. ‘The parent in this scenario is trying to push her gender bias on your son and on all of you.’
Others jumped to point out all the very famous male Robin’s this mother should be aware of, Robin Williams, Robin Hood, Robin Thicke (unfortunately). But ultimately, that shouldn’t matter at all. Names do not dictate gender, nor should a child be made to feel confused or embarrassed by their name because it doesn’t suit what another adult believes is true to their gender.
Luckily, the OP was able to post an update that showed his wife coming to the rescue during the school meeting. He had also spoken to a few other parents, one of whom said the mother consistently misnamed her child too – whose legal name is Charlie, but the woman chose to call her Charlotte.
‘I'm glad she was there because she doesn't really tolerate BS,’ the OP said. ‘The teacher and principal were there. My wife didn't really let them say anything until she'd gone over everything with weird pickup mom in relation to our son and also Charlie… the principal was really surprised.
‘The principal said the teacher would talk to the other mom,’ OP continued. ‘I apologized for yelling, and we all shook hands. At pickup that day, weird pickup mom wouldn't look me in the eye. She didn't call Robin Robert or by his actual name. She was quiet the whole time.’
Nothing like the sound of silence to indicate shame…