The time after you have a baby is often fraught with tiredness, hormones – and the delicate art of handling family politics.
Which is why one woman has taken to Reddit’s Am I The Arsehole (AITA) to ask whether she is one because she didn't want her mother-in-law in the delivery room, nor be the first person to hold her new baby.
‘When I met my husband's mum I hoped for a healthy mother-figure type relationship,’ she wrote. ‘She's okay-ish, but she can be a little controlling given that my husband is her only child. When I got pregnant, my MIL [mother-in-law] made a request to be the first person to hold my son after he's born. She wanted to be in the delivery room with me, but I refused. My husband said he'd keep her out of the room under the condition that she be the first person to hold the baby. I didn't agree but I didn't disagree. I just stayed silent.’
Her baby was born a few days ago, and on the day of the birth she said: ‘All my husband was worried about was having his mum be the first person to meet the baby, but she was out of town attending a friend's daughter's wedding. He said she wouldn't be back until two days later. My mum and sister came to help and they held my son, as they were helping me after my husband went back to work.’
Her mother-in-law subsequently found out and ‘started throwing a fit’, explains the new mother. ‘[She was] saying that I betrayed her, and that I made a promised then broke it. My husband tried to get her to calm down... but she scolded us both [and] then walked out. He blew up at me saying I screwed up and violated the agreement we had. I said that mum and sister were helping me out. He claimed I had no respect for his mum and her wishes and told me that I hurt her feelings and ruined her grandson’s birth memory.
‘He called me unbelievably selfish and demanded I fix my mistake, but I wasn't sure what he meant by that. Like, redo the baby's birth and have his mum be the first to hold him? He didn't like my sarcasm and called me cold hearted. He said we should've let his mum in the delivery room [in the first place] otherwise none of this would've happened. They're both are still salty about it and are sulking hard. AITA?’
Unsurprisingly, most of the replies were in full support of the mother. ‘What was mum supposed to do? Leave the newborn on the bed for two days until MIL came back?’ asked one. ‘I think it's time to go home with your mum and sister and RUN from this man, finally. But don't worry, his mommy will be there to make him feel better,’ said another. Or to put it the way of another one of the replies: ‘This is one of those Reddit posts that the OP should share with her husband so he can see what a wackodooly he's being.’