Have You Got Early Festive Fever?

I’ve long believed Mariah Carey to be a visionary born years – if not centuries – ahead of her time. People laughed when a 2017 appearance on Good Morning Britain revealed her to have erected her Christmas tree in early October. Naysayers scoffed when she later confirmed that she keeps her decorations up until 4 July. But now? Now it seems that the zeitgeist has finally caught up with the elusive chanteuse™.

In previous years, any talk of Christmas pre-December was the sole preserve of excitable toddlers and the kind of swivel-eyed lunatics who stockpile mince pie-scented toilet cleaner (show me a person whose parents never tutted at ‘Christmas coming earlier every year’, and I’ll show you an orphan). But this year is different. This year, it appears the whole world has come down with a ferocious strain of EFF (Early Festive Fever). The only known treatment? Industrial quantities of Quality Street. Minus the blue coconut ones, obviously.

For proof, look no further than the John Lewis Christmas advert, which arrived a week early, after the department store saw an unprecedented rise in searches for Christmas products. Observe Kelly Clarkson, who’s just announced a holiday TV special featuring Ariana Grande, following the release of her second Christmas album – back in October. Listen carefully and you may even hear the distant tinkling of sleigh bells. OK, that’s me blasting Heart Christmas. But still...

According to the Office for National Statistics, one in eight adults has started shopping for food and presents earlier than in previous years. Meanwhile, nearly half of Marks & Spencer’s customers expect to finish Christmas shopping this month.

The retailer’s online Christmas food ordering service has already sold out of 40% of its stock (including their biggest turkeys, Christmas puddings and everyone’s traditional favourite _checks notes_ Brussels sprout gratin). The Brexit-related supply chain crisis is thought to have encouraged shoppers to plan ahead. But it’s also possible that, having had last year’s festivities dampened by Covid restrictions, Brits are determined to make this year’s holiday season go with the kind of ostentatious bang usually reserved for Sally Rooney TV adaptations.

If all this is triggering childhood memories of the year that your negligent parents missed out on securing a Furby or Buzz Lightyear doll, you’re not alone. Suddenly, it seems that the world is divided into smug shoppers who finished their festive prep sometime in mid-June, and those who fear that they’ve already missed their shot at a perfect Christmas. In a recent survey, 43% of adults said that they have already experienced shortages when shopping. But do try to stay calm – at the very worst, there’s always next year. Then again, don’t be too complacent. After all, there are less than 400 shopping days until Christmas 2022...