Not to be dramatic, but if there’s one woman on earth that I would die for besides my mother, it’s Gillian Anderson. Every part she plays, I can never decide whether I want to be her best friend, her wife, or just plain be her. Jean Milburn, her character in the critically-acclaimed Sex Education, is the epitome of that. She’s the hilarious, open-minded woke mother we both wish we had and wish we could be.
Which is why I was so disappointed when I heard her explanation of what sex is to son Otis (played by Asa Butterfield) in episode six of the first series. I know, I know, I’m VERY late to the party. The world Is patiently waiting for series three while I wade through the first episodes kicking myself for not joining the fun sooner. But watching it with hindsight means picking up on all the things you may’ve missed while side-tweeting about how great the show is. At least, all of my Sex Education obsessed friends did when I ranted about the definition of sex Jean tells Otis.
‘Do you know what sex is Otis?’ Jean asks after he confesses she saw Jean’s husband naked with another woman. ‘Sex is when a man puts his penis inside a woman’s vagina.’
First of all, no it’s not. That’s not even the definition of sexual intercourse, just part of it. In fact, according to real life sex educator Kelly Grove, the Sexual Health Coordinator in the Centre for Health Advocacy and Wellness at Florida State University, ‘Sex is the stimulation of genitals for pleasure.’
For women, ‘your genital is your clit,’ Grove said, highlighting the jaw-dropping fact that ‘if no one is stimulating your clit you’re not having sex your letting a man jack off inside of you.’
Putting aside the plot twist that seemingly half of us haven’t actually been having as much sex if we’re discounting all the times no one touched our clitoris, what this real definition shows us is that Jean’s definition, or rather the writers at Sex Education, is not just wrong, it’s quite problematic.
Because what struck me first about this line wasn’t the fact that Jean would teach Otis that sex only amounts to penetration when in fact clitoral stimulation is a vital part of the definition, but that she would ignore the very obvious implication that homosexual partners aren’t engaging in ‘real’ sex. By defining sex as a man putting his penis inside of a woman’s vagina, you’re completely ignoring the countless queer couples having sex where no penis ever enters a vagina. Or at least, not one attached to a human…
It’s entirely off-brand for Gillian’s character.
And while it’s a much more sex-positive way to teach children about sex than stigmatising it with ‘bird and bee’ talk or refusing to use real anatomical terms, it’s still completely ignorant. The most annoying thing about it then? It’s entirely off-brand for Gillian’s character.
All through Sex Education, we see Jean as a wise owl, a safe space for Otis’s queer friends and a hardened feminist teaching her son about sexual pleasure and consent. Hell, in the exact same episode there’s a storyline about Otis teaching Aimee (played by Aimee Lou Wood) the important of female masturbation and how she won’t be able to enjoy sexual intercourse until she explores her own body.
If Otis’s learnings are meant to come straight from Jean, it doesn’t make any sense that she would ever introduce sex as a topic of conversation to him in the way she did. Of course, we’re meant to understand that Jean is flawed, that her character is nuanced as all women are. But as a sex therapist and educator, it’s implausible that she would take a moment as important as teaching your child about sex for the first time and mess it up in such a monumental way – whether she had just learned of her husband’s affair or not.
Of course, I’m only half a series in with much yet left to watch, so hey, maybe I’ll understand this plot-hole later on in the show. But for now, I’m holding the writers of Sex Education accountable for ruining my crush on all things Gillian Anderson…
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