Why Do Men Use The Technicality Clause To Get Away With Cheating?

‘I don’t believe I’ve cheated at the end of the day, all I was doing was expressing my feelings,’ Jordan Hames said on last night’s episode of Love Island, ‘Cheating is flirting and kissing. If I was necking India then yeah I’m a bad guy, but I wasn’t necking her so everyone can chill out as far as I’m concerned.’

These are the words of a man whom had not only spend weeks professing his feelings for Anna Vakili, but had also asked her to be his girlfriend two days before deciding that actually, he liked someone else and was going to tell her before even mentioning a word to his girlfriend. With the help of resident ‘nice guy’ Curtis Pritchard, he went about on his mission professing his feelings for India Reynolds – only pulled on his behaviour when Maura Higgins caught wind of the situation and told Anna the truth.

‘I was just trying to express how I was feeling and maybe I’ve not done it in the right way but I’m only human, shit happens, I make mistakes,’ he said after all of the female Islanders – plus Tommy Fury and Greg O’Shea – explained to him how wrong it was to tell another woman you like her when you’re in a relationship.

Of course, despite hearing all of this from his friends and seeing his girlfriend in tears, Jordan pulled the ‘technicality card’. TECHNICALLY, he had only ‘expressed his feelings’ to India and he hadn’t TECHNICALY told her that he liked her (since Anna actually interrupted that conversation). His entire defence rested on his definition of cheating being different to everyone else – in the world – and subsequently he seemed to decide Anna’s entire reaction was unwarranted.

It was infuriating to watch. Not only was he turning his own choice to disrespect and hurt Anna against her, he had zero empathy for a woman he supposedly saw a future with literally 24 hours earlier. Gaslighting her, blaming her and flat-out taunting her, he refused to apologise and even later said that he had no regrets because he was ‘true’ to himself. ‘You should regret hurting someone’s feelings’, Anna told him, to which he reiterated, he doesn’t.

It’s this absolutely bizarre trend on this year’s Love Island, particularly with the male Islanders. They seem to believe that as long as your ‘real’ and ‘true to yourself’ the way your actions impact others is irrelevant. We saw it with Curtis when he savagelytold Amy Hart he couldn’t see her as the mother of his children, with Danny Williams when he hopped over to Arabella Chi a day after telling Yewande Biala his head wouldn’t be turned and of course, with Michael Griffiths when he continuously hurt Amber Gill in an effort to follow his own desires.

Now, with Jordan following suit, it seems that the men in Love Island either have zero emotional intelligence, or have been faking their feelings for the female Islanders they coupled up with the entire show. Because, if you’re entire mission is to be authentically yourself regardless of the outcome (read: selfish), you’re clearly only in this show to make a brand out of your own personality.

We know many of contestants are on the show for fame, of course, but at least before there was a pretence that it would be relationship fame – that the influencer money came at the price of being in love. Now, the male Islanders aren’t even pretending that all they want is solo fame – on a dating show that revolves around finding love.

Because, if there’s one thing you don’t do on Love Island, it’s cheat on someone. Not only are you literally being recorded at all times, but it’s a sure-fire way to lose any chance you had at winning that £50k. Of course, Jordan does seem to know this, since he threw out the technicality argument almost instantly, and like all the other examples refused to acknowledge Anna’s feelings.

That was probably the most infuriating part, watching someone decide that because they don’t believe it’s cheating, their partner has no right to be upset. Surely, when it comes to hurting someone you’re in a relationship with, your definition of cheating is irrelevant when they’re crying in front of you.

This is what the Love Island boys don’t seem to understand. If you hurt someone, you apologise, you comfort them, you promise to do better. Regardless of whether you think you’ve done something wrong, your actions have caused someone pain and so naturally, you should reflect on that and show empathy. That is the bare minimum of emotional intelligence.

Alas, it’s not just on Love Island. Women everywhere have seen this exact scenario play out in front of their eyes. Men do something that hurts you or disrespects you, get caught, and rather than apologising they decide that you’re boundaries are irrelevant – they don’t believe that what they’ve done falls under the ‘umbrella of cheating’, and so why would they apologise?

This is the problem with the cheating label, it makes everything too explicit. It makes you feel that if someone hasn’t done this one specific act, you can’t be upset. When, in reality, you can’t help what upsets you and regardless of what label it has, the person whom causes that pain should take stock of what they’ve done.

It’s a lesson the Love Island boys – and many others – are in desperate need of. Hopefully, the people in their life will give it to them when they leave the villa, because the way a new villain pops up every week making the exact same mistakes, they definitely aren’t learning it on the show

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