This is not a drill, people. Love Is Blind is back. The absolutely batsh*t world of Netflix’s breakout 2020 hit was a bit of a slowburner on the streaming service, but thanks to word of mouth - one of them being twitter Queen Chrissy Teigen - we all took a trippy old journey down the Love Is Blind rabbit-hole together. And our reward? An incredible season two and now, a third just landed in time for Autumn evenings.
Did you miss the original? Were you in a coma? The premise is basically The Circle crossed with Married at First Sight. It’s an experiment played out in an American city - for season one, Atlanta over 38 days, filmed in 2018. The 30 contestants – half male, half female – dated in ‘booths’ without being able to see one another. Then they chose if they want to get engaged. Only after a proposal is accepted did they get to meet face to face. Then it’s off to Mexico on a group trip, before moving in together, meeting friends and family, bachelor and bachelorette parties and finally: the weddings. Cue a lot of soul searching, fights and butt-clenching levels of earnest cheesiness along the way.
The original batch launch had us actually obsessed. Here's what had us hooked and what you can expect if you get involved now. You've got time to catch up as all the seasons are on Netflix - and the weather's pretty grim...
Nick and Vanessa Lachey are interesting hosts...
We don’t really know why but the former 98 Degrees singer and ex-Mr Jessica Simpson and his wife Vanessa Lachey (nee Minillo) pop up randomly during episodes to speak to them patronisingly about love. Nick’s introductory words were ‘...and obviously I’m Nick Lachey’ with a little grin - and the world remembered that the Newlyweds star existed again.
You’ll get most of the men confused for one another during the first four episodes.
They are largely basic bros with button down, short-sleeved shirts, leather necklaces and sensible short-back-and-sides. And with easily confusable frat boy names like Cameron, Barnett, Carlton and Damian in the mix you won’t get much help there either.
The 'I love yous' come FAST
When the contestants start declaring their love for one another and getting engaged within two episodes, you’ll wonder if they have ever actually been in love before. Do they think they’re discovering it for the first time? Are they on drugs?! It’s either the power of the show, or they’re desperate for air time; either way, it’s mind boggling to watch. The only way to describe it is that it’s like watching people join a cult.
You will spend a lot of time thinking about the baby-voiced 34-year-old Jessica Batten
The ‘regional manager’ (their job descriptions are pretty vague, apart from Amber Pike whose job title pops up as ‘former tank mechanic’) serves up a large portion of the drama as she turns into your worst sleep paralysis demon with every sip of wine. Does she love her earnest 24-year-old fiance Mark Cuevas or frat boy Matthew Barnett, who rejected her for Amber? The answer becomes more clear as you continue on your magical LIB journey. The real question is: how often does she feed her dog red wine? In episode six we see her offer her glass to her golden retriever to slurp away from before continuing to drink it herself. According to a vet who was questioned on the matter, dogs don’t have any tolerance for alcohol and would likely be extremely impaired and distressed by its effects, which would probably make them feel sick. Justice for this dog, please!
Damian Powers’s proposal to Giannina Gibelli is one of the most embarrassing things you’ll ever see.
As he prepares to get down on one knee in his pod, he tells Gigi to pick up a box he’s had placed in her pod. It’s empty, and he explains that’s because ‘he’s the gift’. Damian has tied the ribbon from the box around his own wrist in a bow. Whilst getting off to a strong start, the vaguely mismatched couple descend into chaos by episode seven when Gigi utters the words, ‘Have you noticed that when you tell me this is the best sex of your life, I don’t return the compliment. It’s great but it’s not fucking mindblowing!’ aka the most savage line ever uttered on a dating series.
Wait, where are the engagement rings?
The engagement rings don't get much air time, and none of the women seem to comment on whether they like them or not. This may be because the rings have been provided by production for the men to choose from: perhaps a clue to this was dangled in episode five when Carlton and Diamond split up in Mexico and he threw her ring in the pool.
Kelly and Kenny who?
You may keep forgetting Kelly and Kenny are in the show (why are they so forgettable?) but they still won out over several other couples who began the process - some of them even getting engaged - but were ditched by producers once they left the booths. Rory Newborough, one of the original males, told Women’s Health that the producers were not expecting the pairings to be so successful in the initial stages. ‘They were like, "We were expecting one or two [engagements], not eight! We set up to film five!’’' he said. It’s almost as if they all wanted to be famous!
Wine... there's always wine
This show will make you want wine. Lots of wine. Every scene: wine. While we understand why wine can’t always play a huge role in dating shows, we’re glad it’s involved in this one. Particularly where Jess is involved. Don't give it to your dog, though.
READ MORE: Wait, There Were Two More Engaged Couples On Love Is Blind?
READ MORE: Who’s Still Together From Love Is Blind Season Two?