As Jeff Brazier and his son Freddy sat and watched the sunset under the Barra Lighthouse, on the shores of Salvador, during their epic adventure on Celebrity Race Across the World, they quietly marked their sixteenth Mother’s Day without Jade Goody. The beloved reality star died of cervical cancer on that same day in 2009, aged just 27, leaving Freddy and his older brother Bobby, who appeared on Strictly Come Dancing last year, behind. Having chosen the scenic spot in Brazil to mark the poignant day for their family, Jeff and Freddy sat together in a companionable quiet as the sun disappeared. ‘Maybe Mum’s pushing us in the direction of where we need to go.’ Freddy said.
The moment was heartbreaking, although watching both Jeff and Freddy open up about their lives without Goody has been a refreshingly honest depiction of the realities of grief - something you don’t often see on primetime television. They have spoken in a raw and painful way about life after her death to the cameras, and to each other - something they’ve admitted they haven’t done readily in the time since she died.
Freddy held back tears as he spoke to camera, explaining: 'I lost my mum when I was four and that was on Mother's Day, which is really hard. I don't really like showing my emotions. I don't even speak to my dad much about my mum either. I just avoid it. I prefer to bottle it up'.
'I don't want to feel like I'm a burden to them. A lot of my memories that I have of my mum have come from watching a documentary, YouTube clips, newspapers, they are not my memories'. He continued: 'I don't really remember being held by my mum. If I had more memories of her, it would have made it a whole lot harder for me.’
Watching the pair become closer and navigate some of the emotional issues they have previously tried to brush aside has been such life-affirming viewing that they have, unsurprisingly, received a resoundingly celebratory response on social media from viewers. One X user wrote, ‘So much attention given to the worst men who end up supposed role models to young boys, then you just get the likes of Jeff Brazier on #RATW being a brilliant dad and mentor to Freddie. It's such a joy to watch them’. Another added that Jeff’s ‘dedication and sacrifice as a father to his children and the way he parents them is outstanding’.
The TV presenter has admitted during confessionals filmed for the show that Goody’s death left him overwhelmed by the prospect of raising their two boys. Although he and Goody had split by the time she was diagnosed and then died, they had remained dedicated co-parents. Speaking about how difficult the loss was, he said, ‘I think when the boys lost their mum I really doubled down on putting all of my time, effort, attention, focus on my children. I needed to be there, helping them to navigate whatever the future was going to look like for them given their loss. And I'm still playing that role.’
He added that the RATW experience had made him realise he had lost the ability to be silly with his sons. ‘It’s hard to switch off,’ he said. ‘And I’m being too serious. Just everything is responsibility, that’s what it’s been for a long time. I think as a man you don’t rate your chances of coping [as a single dad] so you do what comes naturally to you which is take all the responsibility and just focus on the situation [in hand]. I have absolutely, 100%, lost the ability to play. But it’s something that I need to regain.’
The Bafta award-winning series, which fans have dubbed ‘the best show on TV’ has become known for its moving storylines which play out as four teams - in this case including Kelly Brook and Scott Mills - compete to make their way across countries without the aid of air travel, smartphones or bank cards.
Grief, death and the mess it can leave behind it are topics which aren’t regularly addressed on our screens- particularly on shows which are designed to be light entertainment. Something about the way Jeff and Freddy take time to feel their lows, before heading off to experience the highs of their adventure together, feels sad yet optimistic. For those of us who have lost someone close to us, seeing the realities of grief - that you can feel an aching heartbreak one moment, and lose yourself in laughter the very next - on a show like Race Across the World, feels reassuring.
For Jeff and Freddy, there has been life after Jade Goody. Their honesty in addressing how hard that life has been is really brave, and reminds you to that, as Jeff has vowed to, allowing yourself to feel some of the lightness of light, and play amidst the heartache, is as important as being a rock to those around you.