If there’s one common theme of toxicity in Love Island this year, it’s gaslighting. Even in the first week, it was prevalent– but now more than ever, we need it to be called out. Why? Because fan-favourite Liberty Poole is clearly falling in love with Jake Cornish, and he’s proven twice now that gaslighting is his go-to during any sort of relationship conflict.
Last night, it was all about the movie night clip that showed Jake telling the boys 'I don't want to rip her clothes off' in regards to Liberty. Understandably, she was devastated - her confidence knocked and insecurities deepened.
Generally, their confrontations always start out the same. Liberty expresses how she feels calmly, with an honest vulnerability that not only suggests high emotional intelligence, but a deep trust in Jake. He appears to listen and acknowledge her feelings, but rather than apologise, he gets defensive (at least from what the audience sees – we have to always make some allowances for editing…)
‘I feel like my feelings are valid,’ Liberty said in response last night, to which he completely dismisses by her replying 'I'm not going to stay with someone I don't find attractive, am I?' And thus the gaslighting begins, but in the most insidious way: by laughing her off and acting exasperated by the entire thing.
The fact she even has to reiterate that her feelings are valid speaks volumes, because it means he’s clearly not doing it for her. Last night, she even had to ask him whether he was more attracted to her, since he wasn't telling her it himself. ‘So did that [oomph] grow?’ she said. Rather than noting that he hasn't actually told her that, nor complimented her since – he laughed ‘Babe obviously! You’re my girlfriend, of course it’s grown you idiot! What do you want me to say? Of course it has!’
Frankly, it was hard to watch. Because as soon as Jake started laughing and seeming shocked by the mere thought that Liberty would question his attraction to her – you know, after telling the boys he wasn’t 100% attracted to her – her resolve started to weaken. She laughed too, defended her feelings before deciding to ‘nip it in the bud’. And why wouldn’t she? When the man you’re falling in love with acts as if you’re being dramatic by questioning his feelings towards you, it’s human nature to then wonder if you are – particularly if you’re not familiar with gaslighting.
But it is classic gaslighting, because it undermines Liberty’s feelings, dismissing her very valid concerns, and in turn makes her feel as though she’s crazy for even bringing it up. If anything, it’s more concerning that someone outright saying “you’re acting crazy”, because at least that is more commonly known language of an emotional abuser. Laughing and shrugging someone off, seemingly genuinely confused by their reaction, it’s a much more sinister form of gaslighting because it’s harder to spot when you’re in that situation yourself.
It’s no wonder Liberty hasn’t necessarily noticed it then – at least, as far as she’s vocalised on the show – but we’re patiently waiting for someone else in the villa to recognise it on her behalf (often, your friends being the first to spot red flags in a partner) and tell Jake it’s not an acceptable or healthy form of conflict resolution. If not the girls, perhaps the villa therapist could step in and remind Liberty her feelings are absolutely valid – before she falls completely for a man that doesn’t even tell her how stunning she is when she’s clearly hurting.
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