While we’re still busying ourselves with trying to remember the new Islander’s first names, already the lads have been waving their red flags all over the shop.
Most notably youngest male contestant Haris Namani has drawn more than a few raised eyebrows after his emphatic claim that he’d never had a girlfriend before was blasted out of the water when multiple reality TV sleuths uncovered footage of him with a Love Island-worthy lass he very much looked to be in a relationship with.
Haris said in his VT, ‘I’ve never actually took a girl home, so I can’t say I’ve been in a relationship. No one’s actually met my mum. If I do bring a girl home, she has to be the one.’
The thing is, despite alleged girlfriend Courtney Hodgson’s videos of the pair ‘chilling around each other’s houses’, ‘going for walks’, ‘eating together, sleeping together’ and even going on holiday together looking indeed very much to most of us like a relationship, it’s (at a stretch) plausible that Haris himself did not believe himself to be in one simply because the dreaded ‘R’ word had not yet been uttered.
We’re not kids anymore, but at just 21-years-old, Haris isn’t far off and in the minds of barely post-pubescent boys the language of love is less about ‘physical touch’, ‘gifts’, ‘quality time’ and all the other signs of affection that have been doing the rounds on TikTok recently and more about the actual language assigned to what’s currently going on in their dating landscapes.
‘I’ve always had situations where we’ve got along for the first two months, three months,’ Haris explained after coupling up with Anna-May Robey. ‘After three months if it’s not a case of like “Wow, I’m going to bring this girl back home, I’m going to introduce her to my sisters or my mum”, it’s never came to that.’
For the uninitiated, it seems that what Haris is describing is a ‘situationship’; the seemingly compulsory three-to-six months prior to an actual relationship where at least one dater will refuse to define the parameters of their current set up in order to either appear cool, calm and collected before inevitably allowing themselves to fall head over heels in love or, in Haris’ case, abandon ‘ship without repercussions. See also: your own blushing pal adamantly squealing ‘he’s not my boyfriend!’ when you dare abbreviate their ‘not-official-but-not-strictly-still-on-the-market-occasional-date-day-and-regular-rampant-shagging’ set-up for want of saving time.
The ‘situationship’ is also conveniently adopted by boys and men who don’t want to market themselves as taken so as not to forfeit the opportunity for other sexual conquests, whilst realising that to dismiss their ongoing romantic relations with a particular person – normally a woman - as simply nothing at all would risk losing ownership of them all together. But while in an ideal world a situationship is equal parts give and take from each party, it rarely leaves us on the same page as each other, and often leaves women with the short end of the stick. Nowadays, we call men like this fuckboys, but that doesn’t stop us from falling into the same traps again and again.
Which brings us onto the good old ‘fuck buddy’ arrangement, established in time of ladettes and the sexual agenda of the 90s which purported to give women the same agency and independence as men whilst ignoring the possibility that either party might actually want more. Developing feelings – or, ‘catching feels’ – for someone you’re merely ‘fuck buddies’ with is the ultimate social faux pas and demonstrates a lack of self-control akin to enthusiastically turning up to a party you weren’t invited to. If dating etiquette is to be understood – especially from the perspective of a 21 year old boy –it’s imperative to resist said feels for fear of sending your love interest running a mile from your romantic advances. Despite the fact you’ve already been sleeping together.
While we can’t assume to know the ins and outs of Haris' alleged relationship with Courtney, it is clear from her previous social media posts that she certainly believed herself to have a boyfriend, while, if what Haris has said is to be taken at face value, he had, what? A fuck buddy? A situationship? Was he ‘just talking’ to the girl he went on holiday with and whose family he reportedly enjoyed a day out to Winter Wonderland with just weeks before flying out to South Africa?
If Haris’ only marker of a relationship is that he’s brought her home to his mum, then, if the Winter Wonderland claims are true, he and Courtney were operating from wildly uneven playing fields. Perhaps Courtney has more reasonable parameters by which she defines her relationships, but if she was aware of Haris’ rule all along then it’s likely she was of the impression she was well on her way to the real thing. Still, it wouldn’t be the first time an Islander has dumped an established partner for the limelight the villa could bring; maybe Haris just didn’t think he’d get caught out.