Here’s What Scissoring Should Feels Like And How To Do It Well

The first time I heard about the ‘scissoring’ sex position was when a group of rowdy tween boys that deemed the label ‘lesbian’ an insult used it regularly to pick on me and my best friend. Hoping to make us feel uncomfortable, they regularly joked about scissoring, but to be fair to them their gaydar was off the scales because I was, in fact, a closeted queer-baby. Alas, I didn’t exactly know that at the time and as such, the term ‘scissoring’ felt like a loaded one for years after.

My experience isn’t exactly unique, scissoring has long been a sexual act that carries a strange weight for queer women. A popular lesbian porn category, so often depictions of lesbian sex are created through the lens of straight people that don’t necessarily understand it and scissoring has been a vital part in that. Perhaps that’s why there’s so much intrigue into the sex position, with ‘What is scissoring?’, ‘How does scissoring work?’ and ‘Do lesbians really scissor?’ popular search terms on Google.

Is scissoring really a thing queer women do?

With such a heteronormative narrative thrust upon it, once upon a time queer celebrities jumped to discredit scissoring, Orange Is the New Black star Lea DeLaria insisting it’s ‘not a thing’ in lesbian sex back in 2014. But now, as with many terms for the queer experience that have been reclaimed over time, the tide feels like it’s turning on scissoring. Women are coming out as scissor fans, pun intended, and reminding us all that just because it was once tainted by horny straight men with their cringe sexual fantasies doesn’t mean that we have to shun scissoring for good. In actual fact, it can be a great sexual experience.

With that in mind, we spoke to certified sex therapist and relationship expert, Aliyah Moore (who has a Ph.D. in Gender and Sexuality Studies) to understand more about scissoring, including how to master it. Here, she explains some of the fundamental need-to-knows about scissoring – including its history – and what you need to know if you’re trying out scissoring for the first time.

What is scissoring and how do you do it?

Scissoring is an act of two partners rubbing their vulvas together in order to stimulate and intimately connect. It is a kind of genital-to-genital contact that some people find extremely enjoyable and personal.

Scissoring is often performed with couples lying facing one other, their legs entangled or crossed in a scissor-like manner. This allows their bodies to be oriented in such a way that their genitals can make direct contact. Some couples may find it beneficial to try with various angles or positions to see what works best for them. Lubrication can also improve comfort and enjoyment while scissoring.

What does scissoring feel like?

Everyone's experience with scissoring is unique. For some, the sensation of rubbing their vulva on their partners can be extremely stimulating and delightful. Direct contact with the clitoris and surrounding areas can cause significant feelings of warmth, friction, and desire, leading to increased sexual pleasure and intimacy.

Others may have more subtle but highly fulfilling sensations, generating a sense of connection and intimacy with their partner. The rhythmic movement of linked bodies can produce a sensation of harmony and coordination, strengthening the emotional and physical bond between partners.

Why is scissoring so popular?

Scissoring has become popular for a variety of reasons, both within the LGBTQ+ community and in mainstream culture. A significant aspect is the act's intimacy and sensuality. Scissoring involves direct genital-to-genital contact, which can cause intense physical feelings and increased enjoyment for individuals who participate. It enables simultaneous clitoral stimulation, which many people find extremely pleasurable and rewarding.

Scissoring also helps partners feel more intimate and connected. The intimate physical contact and coordinated movements required for scissoring can strengthen emotional relationships and improve the overall sexual experience. Scissoring is a unique kind of sexual expression that many lesbian, bisexual, and queer women use to celebrate their bodies and desires.

Statistics back up the popularity of scissoring within the LGBTQ+ population. Based on an Autostraddle survey from 2015, more than 40% of lesbian, bisexual, or queer women use the scissor sex position on a regular basis. Likewise, the considerable growth in searches for ‘Lesbian Scissoring’ on pornographic websites, as shown in Pornhub's 2022 year in review, demonstrates its growing popularity even in mainstream depictions of sexuality.

What is the difference between scissoring and tribbing?

Scissoring and tribbing are frequently used interchangeably, but there are minor distinctions between the two terms. Scissoring is a sexual practice in which two partners rub their vulvas together in a scissor-like manner, sometimes with their legs intertwined to allow for direct genital contact. This phrase is typically associated with lesbian, bisexual, and queer women, but it can be enjoyed by persons of all genders and sexual orientation. Scissoring stresses the physical act of stroking or pressing one's genitals against the partner's in order to stimulate the clitoral area and increase intimacy.

Tribbing, on the other hand, is a broader term that refers to many kinds of genital-to-genital contact. Tribbing, which may include scissoring, is not confined to a single motion. Tribbing might include rubbing, grinding, or forcing one's genitals against the partner's in a variety of positions and actions. This phrase is more general and can refer to any intimate activity involving the stroking or stimulation of genitalia between partners.

What are your top tips for mastering scissoring?

Mastering scissor techniques and making them more pleasurable requires a combination of communication, experimenting, and creativity!

Try different positions

Experiment with various positions and angles to determine which works best for you and your partner. While the basic scissor position is popular, don't be hesitant to experiment with variants like lying on your sides, kneeling facing each other, or even adding pillows or furniture for more support and comfort. Changing postures can bring new sensations and stimulate different places, resulting in more pleasure and excitement.

Start with foreplay

Incorporate foreplay and sensual touch into your scissoring encounter. To create excitement and desire, take your time getting to know each other's bodies through kissing, touching, and teasing.

Incorporate sex toys

Add accessories or toys to spice things up and make them more enjoyable. You can add more sensation and diversity to your scissoring play by using vibrators, dildos, or strap-ons. Try out various sizes, vibration patterns, and textures to see what works best for you and your partner. Don't be scared to use your imagination and try different approaches when adding toys to your scissoring practice.

How do I stop scissoring from feeling awkward?

To make scissoring less awkward, prioritize on relaxation. Before scissoring, take the time to relax and immerse yourself in the present moment. Deep breathing or mindfulness practices might help you relax and focus on the present moment. Remember that sexual intimacy is a process of discovery and connection, and it's normal to feel awkward or hesitant at times.

Are there any myths around scissoring you can dispel?

There's a prevalent misperception that scissoring is lesbian or queer women's exclusive or primary sexual practice. While some members of the queer community enjoy scissoring, it's only one of many options for achieving intimacy and sexual satisfaction. The sexual actions, desires, and preferences that are present in WLW (women who love women) partnerships are varied and complex. The richness and complexity of queer sexuality are overlooked when one assumes that scissoring is the only thing going on in WLW sexual interactions.

Like any other sexual orientation, queer relationships include a wide range of experiences and activities. There are numerous ways for queer women to please each other and increase their intimacy, ranging from oral sex to manual stimulation, from playing with toys to exploring various positions. Reducing WLW’s (women who love women) sexuality to only scissoring erases the enormous amount of diversity within the community and perpetuates stereotypes while also oversimplifying the complexities of queer relationships. It's critical that non-queer people don't draw conclusions about it from incomplete or false representations in the media or popular culture.

Another common scissoring myth is that it is simple and enjoyable for women in general. Actually, scissoring can be challenging for some people, just like any other sexual activity. Anatomy, mobility, and individual preferences are some of the variables that might affect how people feel about scissoring.

There's also a myth that the best way for women to experience an orgasm is by scissoring. Scissoring can stimulate the clitoral area for some people, but not everyone will experience an orgasm as a result. Like any sexual activity, getting an orgasm varies from person to person and depends on a number of variables, such as technique, relaxation, and levels of mental and physical arousal.

Do you have any tips for straight couples who want to try scissoring?

There are several tips to remember in order to make scissoring more enjoyable for heterosexual couples.

Be open-minded

 Go into scissoring with an open mind and a readiness to mutually experiment with new sensations and techniques. Accept the chance to enhance your relationship and broaden your sexual horizons by engaging in mutual exploration.

Slow down

Try adjusting the amount of pressure and movement when scissoring. To change up the sensation and intensity, experiment with adding moderate grinding or rocking motions in addition to intense rubbing. Through doing this, you can lessen discomfort and discover a rhythm that both of you enjoy.

Take your time

Avoid placing pressure on yourself to accomplish a specific result or to resemble what you've seen in porn or heard from others. Each experience is unique, and what works for one might not work for another.