‘I'd been talking to James on the phone all day, every day for the last three months. Last week, I started to get a weird feeling that things weren't quite right, so I asked him if he really planned on meeting up with me now that the rules were easing. He said he didn’t see it going anywhere romantically and no, he didn't want to see me in real life.'
Megan* met James on Hinge just as lockdown started, and after two weeks of banter on the app and one drunken bonding session via video call, they began talking every day. ‘I never really expect anything serious from the men I date,’ she says. ‘But I don’t normally get on with straight men this well and he was putting so much effort into talking to me that it didn’t feel like all of the other situationships.’
That was until about a week ago, when Megan began noting changes in James’ behaviour. ‘We were still talking all day, but I got a weird feeling and I just needed to know if he actually wanted to meet up eventually,’ she says. ‘As soon as I asked him and he said he didn’t see it going anywhere, I was fuming. I wouldn’t have set any expectations if he had made it clear from the outset he didn’t want a relationship.’
READ MORE: 17 Bumble Opening Lines To Help You Get Your Flirt On
It seems to be the theme of the week right now, with multiple accounts of virtual relationships ending now that the possibility of actually meeting is a reality. As life slowly returns back to normal, the issues we all had before lockdown are returning too and those dating bubbles we were in are abruptly being burst.
‘It’s very clear he had some major commitment issues, which would have ended things much quicker if we’d have been able to date normally, but lockdown provided a sort of shield for that,’ says Charlotte. ‘I also think he was just using me to entertain himself while life was so shit, because when we were ending things he was like “I would’ve gone mad without having you to talk to these last few months”’.
That’s another common theme according to the women we spoke to: being used as a distraction from the anxieties of everyday life right now.
‘Me and Aaron were talking two to three times a day on FaceTime,’ says Joanna*. ‘We spoke about the future and everything. I am so wary of kidding myself nowadays, but he gave all the right signs and more. We even met up and definitely broke social distancing rules, but then after he freaked out. Perhaps the freak out would have come anyway in “normal” life, but I can’t help but feel like he got carried away and was, even unintentionally, using me for comfort and distraction during the more boring, lonely stretches of lockdown.’
Now real life is creeping back in, he’s got the fear.
‘Now real life is creeping back in, he’s got the fear,’ she continues. ‘Whatever the reason though, it sucks. I am not Netflix, don’t binge me as entertainment when it’s convenient for you.’
Some women we spoke to even admitted to doing this themselves, albeit without leading their dates down the garden path. ‘At the start of lockdown, I spoke to a few guys with zero intention of ever meeting them but I never let them think otherwise,’ says Lily*. ‘I was clear in that it was purely sexual, and made no promises about the future or meeting up at all.
‘I did get called out by one guy who was upset I didn’t want to actually date him since we met on a dating app,’ she continues. ‘But I was honest with him that I didn’t want anything more. I think that’s the most important thing, if you’re just bored and distracting yourself you need to be clear about that and not let anyone think it's more than what it is.’
Lily has also found her current situationship crumbling as lockdown eases. ‘I actually really like the man I’m talking to now, for the first time in years,’ she says. ‘But we both have trust issues and not being able to see each other and get those vibes in person, you know really gage how someone feels about you and what their intentions are, that’s made it really difficult.
‘It was so fun at first but all of our emotional issues have been exacerbated in lockdown and since we’re so early into talking, everything’s just sort of been ruined before it even began,’ she continues. ‘If we’d have met up and dated in real life, I think things would be way different. It’s annoying because now we actually date more normally, but it’s almost too far gone to bother.’
Perhaps, just like the rest of the lockdown rules, this will be a transitional phase as our normal dating lives resume and our classic relationship issues return with a bang. But there is one silver lining to our real lives crashing back in, at least we can go the pub again to drown our sorrows. Every cloud, right?
*names have been changed
Read More:
'I've Been On Two Park Dates Already': Lockdown And The Rise Of The Park Hook-Up