Singing
It started with John Lennon and it ended with Shania Twain. My goodness do we hope it’s ended with Shania Twain. We understand that celebrities are used to being the centre of attention, and that’s hard when you’re in a room on your own. But we don’t need to hear your heartfelt renditions of anything, at any time, for any reason (oh, apart from the Hamilton cast performing for a little girl who missed out on seeing the show because of Covid-19). All the world is not a stage guys – Shakespeare got it wrong. It started with Gal Gadot and her celebrity friends singing Imagine – and the internet absolutely hating every toe-curling minute of it. But others were not deterred. See Luke Evans, singing Bridge Over Troubled Water this weekend. And please, if you haven't already – and you’ve got an empty stomach – see Nicole Scherzinger and new boyfriend Thom Evans singing Shania’s Still The One at each other.
Asking us all to donate money
Fair enough, there are plenty of places we could all be donating to at the moment. And to be honest, many of us are. Many of us who are also struggling with our own bank balances thanks to mass lay-offs, furloughing and loss of freelance contracts. So, when a multi-millionaire asks everyone to donate, without themselves promising or illustrating they are donating too (though they may well be behind the scenes), it comes off pretty tone-deaf. Pharrell Williams was one of those who fell foul of this last week, receiving a huge backlash when he asked people to donate to healthcare workers.
Smug TikToks
We’re talking kids, we’re talking boyfriends, we’re talking the big expensive houses. We know it’s there, we don’t need to see TikToks about it. This one of JLo’s son serving them a Perrier while on his hoverboard in the back garden of their mansion seems to tick a lot of those boxes. But guys, we also don’t want to see your couple dances so much, either.
Posing for pap shots
There are a LOT of theories about what is going on with Sean Mendes and Camilla Cabello and their weirdly slow walks down the street with empty cups JUST in time for some paps to get pictures of them together every day. There are also a lot of thoughts about the fact that we seem to be seeing a lot of pictures of Ben Affleck and Ana De Amas walking around too. We’re not saying anything. OK, actually though, we are saying, ‘no thanks enough we don’t want to see them anymore’.
Doing ‘brave’ no make-up selfies
It’s not brave if you’re also botoxed, facialled and permanent make-uped to the hilt. BRAVE, is waking up three minutes before you forgot you had a zoom call with your boss, popping some dry shampoo in, turning your top around because it’s got last night’s dinner down the front of it and refusing to move in case they see you’re actually sat there in your knickers. You, you can post a picture. You’re a hero.
Telling us their theories/totally fake news
Move over celebrities, because we know your every opinion is usually patiently listened to, but right now, we wanna be hearing from the Chris Whittys of the world – and not your crackpot theories. No Evangeline Lily, we don’t want to hear about why you think the government is overreacting. Vanessa Hudgens, we’re very much not down with your thoughts about deaths being ‘terrible… but inevitable?’ (both have since apologised). And no no no, Lucy Watson, we do not want your thoughts/ridiculous fake news theories about 5G and whether it is to blame.
Doing #ads
No, we do NOT want to buy your loungewear set that you were kindly #gifted #ad. Not today.
Showing off their massive mansions
OK, we were into the house porn for like three days, but now, with people shouting at us for even using a park, it’s not the time to talk about how bored you are from the side of your pool. Or your cinema room. Or your gym. Special shout-out to Alesha Dixon, who this weekend got a load of stick from people saying she needed to stop sunbathing in the park after posting a picture of her family enjoying… what was actually their quite large garden.
Having Sex Parties
OK, quite specific, but Kyle Walker allegedly inviting two sex workers and a friend to his flat for a sex party (a day before urging everyone to stay at home to help the NHS) according to The Sun is quiiiiiiite something. Deserves its own piece on this list, we think you’ll agree.
Claiming there’s a quarantine bright side
Guess what? After leaving one of their homes in LA, and moving to another home in Canada, Hailey Bieber says she’s feeling happier than she has in months because of isolation. Speaking on an Instagram Live, she said: ‘I've been happier than I felt in months, just from being able to be low-key and just hang, and not have things on a schedule. I feel really reconnected with myself and that's unexpectedly made me really happy.’ There’s looking on the bright side… and there’s just, during a worldwide pandemic killing thousands… this.
Encouraging productivity
So renowned Shakespeare scholar A-Rod wants to let you know that Shakespeare wrote King Lear while on like, a plague lockdown, or something. So you can afford to be productive, too. And if that productive thing is learning to use his baseball app is that thing, then, hey, so be it.