Yesterday, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced people in England can meet in groups of up to six people outdoors as long as they follow social distancing guidelines. This easing of lockdown measures means picnics and barbecues, especially with the added note that we can now meet in other people’s gardens.
But with all of our socialising still restricted to outdoors, there is a glaring problem to address: how the hell do we pee? Will having a small bladder go from being a pain to an actual health-risk if you’re forced to use someone else’s toilet during a garden meet-up? Would you risk a UTI just so you don’t have to pee in a public park? Honestly, we never thought we’d say these words, but the etiquette of peeing during a pandemic is truly mind-boggling.
In England, you are allowed to use someone else’s toilet if you’re socialising in someone’s garden – that is literally part of the rules outlined by the government – but how do you go about that? Well, we have some ideas.
First of all, one must solve the problem of actually getting to the toilet while social distancing. If you’re at a garden barbecue, one way to get around this could be to create a two-metre pathway to the toilet from the off. Have everyone claim their space in the garden, leaving the pathway clear for any urgent needs. Sanitise every handle you touch before and after.
When you get to the bathroom itself, clean everything you’ll be using before and after peeing, making sure to throw away whatever you used to clean and washing your hands thoroughly afterwards. When you’re making your way back to your garden spot, it might even be handy to keep hand sanitiser gel on you for an extra peace of mind. Always remember to flush with the toilet lid down.
Sounds easy when you think about it like that, but when you add the problem of day drinking or getting kids in and out of the toilet, it could all go a bit tits up. This is where it’s important to remember that socialising right now is still a risk – it’s up to you how much you minimise that risk by sticking to social distancing, washing hands thoroughly and cleaning everything you or your kids touch. If you’re wearing masks, remember not to touch or remove the mask at any point that your outside – otherwise you’re only risking putting bacteria near your mouth.
Whether you’re at someone’s garden or in the park, be sure to take hand sanitiser, lots of water and paper towels.
Now comes the problem of outdoor peeing. Would you risk it all for a public pee? It’s worth noting that while urinating in public is not illegal, there are a number of laws you could be prosecuted for if you’re caught peeing in front of people in public. Outraging public decency or indecent exposure are two of the most likely, however even then you would need to be within view of two or more people who are capable of seeing it. Prosecutions under outraging public indecency are rare, and under the current circumstances it would seem unlikely for a quick trip to the bushes for a wee to really outrage anyone. Some councils in the UK have announced that those caught urinating in public could face fines.
You do have options when it comes to public weeing – it’s not all drop trou and hope to God you don’t ruin your new trainers (or God forbid you’re wearing sandals). Introducing the SHEWEE – sales have increased by 700% since public toilets were closed. You can find out more about how to use a SHEWEE here, but essentially it’s a tool that allows you to pee standing up. Yes, you may never go back to sit-down peeing ever again.
Complications arise, of course, when you’re on your period. We all might pray for a flow that allows us to attend a socially distanced picnic without needing to change a tampon, pad or menstrual cup but that might not be realistic. If that sounds like a problem you might face, be sure to bring spare toilet paper and a disposal bag to dispense of whatever you're using – at least park bins are still available, hey… silver lining?
Staying sanitary, throughout all of this, is key. Whether you’re at someone’s garden or in the park, be sure to take hand sanitiser, lots of water and paper towels. Remember to bring a small bag to dispose of any dirty towels that you can pop in a public bin when you reach one since you can’t always rely on one being close – the rubbish left on Hampstead Heath alone is proof of that.
That’s it folks, the Grazia Guide To Peeing In Public – whoever thought this day would come.
Read More:
Lockdown Limbo: Now It’s Come To It, Are You Actually Excited About Restrictions Being Eased?
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Coronavirus: How To Have The Perfect Socially Distant Picnic Or Barbecue