Weddings are incredible. They are essentially parties on steroids, entirely dedicated to a couple’s super-strong bond and their love for one another (the best kind of party) and there are flowers everywhere. What’s not to love? And after almost two years of weddings being at threat of cancellation due to COVID-19, we’re all super excited to start attending them again.
But the biggest downside of weddings, expense aside? They’re pretty well-connected to diet culture. There are wedding-specific diets, bridal exercise boot camps promising drastic results, wedding weight loss apps. And it’s not just brides who associate the big day with needing to drop a few. Wedding guests get caught up in it too.
At this point, weddings and weight loss go hand in hand. Perhaps it’s the idea that everyone remembers weddings, and therefore will remember you exactly as you are, that makes you jump onto the self-improvement train. Or the extreme amount of photographs involved with weddings. Either way, a whopping 61.2% of women will attempt to lose weight for an upcoming wedding.
But one Reddit user, posting on the popular ‘Am I the asshole?’ forum, lost weight for her sister’s wedding, and got an extreme reaction from the bride-to-be.
We all love, or love to hate, an AITA (Am I the asshole?) Reddit post. It’s famously full of assholes behaving in such an obviously asshole-like way, that you can’t believe they’re posing the question. ‘Yes, of course, you’re an asshole!’ the comments will usually scream. But occasionally, an AITA Reddit post will knock you for six because, actually, there’s a little more nuance to the situation being described.
That’s certainly the case for this one.
A 28-year-old anonymous woman took to Reddit two days ago to find out whether or not she was, in fact, an asshole because of an incident at her sister’s wedding. The post reads:
‘I 28F used to be quite overweight, over the last year or so I have made many changes in my life and have successfully lost almost 100lbs. I don't live close to any of my family and don't post on social media so my family wasn't really aware of my weight loss. I did mention that I was making healthier choices but that's it. It's just that every time before that I've tried to lose weight it hasn't worked out so I didn't want anyone commenting on it.
'My sister 26F got engaged last year and I'm super happy for her. Due to circumstances, the wedding had to be pushed back a little. It's happening a week from now and because I haven't seen everyone in so long I decided to come down two weeks earlier to help out and catch up. Well, when I came to see my family my sister freaked out upon seeing me. As it turns out she has gained a bit of weight not super noticeable to me she still looks great. But I think this is the first time in our lives that I'm smaller than her. I've always been the ‘fat sister’. She basically accused me of trying to upstage her and my parents are fully taking her side. I'm really not sure if I'm in the wrong here as so many of my family are taking her side of things. AITA for losing weight before my sister's wedding?’
Typically, Reddit users are supposed to respond to these stories with ‘NTA’ meaning ‘Not the asshole’ or ‘YTA’ meaning they truly are the bad person in the situation. But this story called for loaded, more fiery responses. More than 3.4k comments later, the commenters are overwhelmingly in favour of the woman who decided to lose weight for her sister’s wedding.
Though one commenter said ‘Depends on your reasoning. If you were trying to lose weight to upstage her, YTA.’
Clearly, this is something many plus-size people can relate to, with one Reddit user commenting ‘I did it for the same reason. Too many failures. I was always the fat sister and lost almost 80 pounds. And had the same experience of suddenly being the thinner sister. Covid came and I gained weight and was about the same as my sister. We supported each other in our weight loss. I wish you could have that.’
It’s not an uncommon experience for plus size wedding guests to feel anxious about the bride’s reactions to their weight. It’s widely known that brides can say and do some odd things surrounding their wedding party members and wedding guests. This Reddit post details a bride asking her bridesmaids to get a spray tan and dye their hair while this one’s bride expects her bridesmaids to spend £700 on dresses and hairstyling.
Most of the time, this (albeit inappropriate) behaviour is forgiven for the obvious nerves or stress the bride is likely going through at the time - planning a wedding is a lot - but to demonise someone for their weight loss when they just wanted to be healthier and look nice for your wedding, is a step too far. And Reddit agrees.
The same Reddit user also wrote ‘I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know weddings make people say and do nutty things. But to be upset at you for working to become healthier. I think you are amazing and deserve to be praised. I understand not telling people about your journey as I did the same thing. Just started and let them find out as I lost the weight and it became noticeable. NTA!!!!’
Another agreed, saying ‘She seriously accused OP of only losing weight to spite/upstage her? That kind of logic is ridiculous to me, especially with all the super hard work OP had to put into losing the weight.’
Unfortunately, this situation isn’t an isolated experience. Another bride commented on the now-viral post saying she reacted in the exact same way to her sister when she decided to drop some weight for the upcoming wedding. Posting in the replies, she said ‘NTA - I say this as someone who was your sister.’ Her older sister, who’d been ‘on the chubby side all her life’ decided to lose weight for her wedding.
‘With the privilege of hindsight, she made a great choice and looks fantastic in the wedding pictures,’ she said. ‘But unfortunately, I turned into a bridezilla one fine day when we were wedding shopping and I had a hard time getting stuff that fit while she had no problems getting a dress that looked fabulous on her new sleek bod (mind you she had given birth about six months earlier). I straight up started sobbing in the store.’
The anonymous poster said she’s ashamed to admit that she also accused her of stealing the limelight, just like the original poster’s sister had done to her. ‘What I didn't have, was a family that supported me in my silly tantrum. They immediately told me my sister worked hard for this and I need to get over myself. That's all the wake-up call I needed. I got myself together (I took a day)’ Eventually, she apologised to her sister and appreciated the fact that she was so excited about her wedding that she decided to make such a big lifestyle change.
‘It honestly made my wedding so much better than if I had spent the entire day seething at her.’
If a wedding guest - sister or otherwise - was to lose a significant amount of weight to purposely upstage the bride, I can see how this would be a crime just as punishable as turning up wearing a white dress, but this obviously isn't this poor woman’s intentions. Considering how much pressure weddings can put on everyone to look nice and the threat of a thousand professional photographs immortalising your appearance if you don’t look your best, perhaps this bride should lay off a bit. After all, your sister is there to celebrate you.
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