When Does Asking ‘Is Britney Okay?’ Become Harmful?

As Britney hits back at Alyssa Milano for questioning her wellbeing, we examine how parasocial relationships can cause more harm than good...

Britney Spears

by Georgia Aspinall |
Published on

Britney Spears has hit back at actor Alyssa Milano for tweeting that someone should ‘check on’ her, calling the social media post ‘a form of bullying’. While the tweet was posted in December and read ‘Someone please go check on Britney Spears’, Britney’s response comes days after police were called to her house by fans concerned for her wellbeing – forcing Britney to put out a public statement asking that people respect her privacy.

‘It saddens me to see things about me from people who don’t know me,’ Britney posted on Instagram in regard to Alyssa’s tweet. ‘This definitely feels like a form of bullying! Ladies, we are supposed to be rooting for one another, not pulling one another down.’

Alyssa has not responded to the backlash, but fans have rushed to defend her noting that she – like many of Britney’s own fans – was simply expressing concern for her. On the other end of the spectrum, some have called Alyssa out as being ‘inappropriate’.

‘What’s sad is Britney can’t just post to her social media whatever she wants … that’s a small fraction of her life that she chooses to post that you judge her on and want to say she isn’t doing well you know saying something like that about someone is “weird”’ one person responded.

It’s true that Britney’s social media posts are the basis for a lot of theories about her wellbeing. Ever since her conservatorship came to an end last year and the 41-year-old singer began posting more frequently on Instagram, conspiracies have run rabid on TikTok questioning how ‘free’ she really is. Fans question the content and timing of her posts, which often show the pop princess dancing alongside erratically long captions, and whether she posts too often or too few times in a week, someone somewhere will raise suspicions about what it all means.

The most recent theories even suggest that Britney was actually missing for a time in December, and that backgrounds to some of her photos had been photoshopped to make it look as though she were posting in real time – some even saying that a body double of Britney was appearing on her account.

Perez Hilton added fuel to the fire in December when he posted a video telling fans, ‘Your concern is warranted, but when the truth comes out you will all be surprised. A lot of fans would not take it well if I said what has been reported about her. But especially if I shared what I know, I don't think I would help Britney. If I spoke, I would hurt her. First, she's not okay, second you guys are not crazy, third almost all conspiracy theories are crazy.’

What’s evident about the wild narratives that surround Britney is that no one really knows how best to support her without crossing the line. After such a tumultuous history with her family, decades of her mental health being misunderstood and the restraints on her freedoms by the US legal system, it’s understandable that fans would continue to care about her wellbeing deeply. Had they not, the #FreeBritney movementwould never have been able to accomplish so much in emboldening her fight to end her conservatorship.

That’s where parasocial relationships (defined as a one-sided relationship where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time in another party or person who is completely unaware of the other's existence) with celebrities can be positive. Britney’s fans loved her so much they never stopped fighting for her. But parasocial relationships can also be harmful, some unable to respect basic boundaries around privacy and feeling entitled to a person’s life that they actually do not know at all.

That’s why we must ask now, when does questioning Britney’s sanity and freedom become an exercise in removing her own agency?

Britney has asked people to stop speculating about her mental health and private life several times, as it is essentially the same narrative that contributed to her public image decline in the 2000s and likely contributed to the authorisation of her conservatorship. But given she has also been open about her suffering, it’s difficult to know much fans are able to publicly express concern without causing her harm. Trusting that she has the right people around her can only go so far when few of the people in her life have historically had her best interests at heart.

We all have a lot of unpacking to do when it comes to how we perceive Britney after decades of sexist and ableist lies about her.

But trusting her judgement is also imperative to returning her full freedom outside of her conservatorship, enabling her to live a full life despite what people perceive to be ‘strange’ or ‘wrong’ behaviour. Much of what she posts isn’t harmful, it’s childlike joy with a sense carefree abandon few of us would post ourselves for fear of being judged. And after decades of being fed sexist and ableist lies about Britney, the public have their own unpacking to do when it comes to how we perceive a woman who spent so long under scrutiny for reasons out of her control.

‘I think the first thing to do when we’re concerned about someone’s mental health - and this applies particularly when it’s someone we don’t know - is ask ourselves where the concern is coming from and how useful it is,' agrees mental health campaigner and educator Natasha Devon. 'With Britney, I think a lot of the chatter has been really toxic. I’ve observed a lot of people gossiping about her on socials but doing it under the guise of "concern for her mental health". Britney has been quite clear that she wants the speculation to stop - maybe that’s making any challenges she has worse?

'Perhaps the most useful thing we can do is take a step back let her find her feet? The most important thing is not to assume. Pictures can never tell the full story. You never know exactly what’s going on with someone. They might respond differently to life’s circumstances than you would, in their shoes.’

It's impossible for the public to really know what’s going on in Britney’s life, and to know when to intervene or step back when questioning her wellbeing – but we must keep examining the causes of our concern. When we ask, ‘is Britney okay?’, we must then question whether she’s done anything harmful or been harmed, versus whether she’s just posting something online that falls outside the social norms of a woman her age with her level of celebrity and wealth. Where there is valid cause for concern, Britney herself would likely agree that it’s welcome, but the longer we keep asking the question the longer we subject her to an infantilising narrative that prevents the very freedom fans sought to give her back this entire time.

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