Kieran Culkin started the Oscars off with a bang tonight, taking home the first award of the night for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Culkin won for his performance in A Real Pain, in which he played the role of Benjamin ‘Benji’ Kaplan in the film directed by fellow actor Jesse Eisenberg.
The real star of the show though? His wife, Jazz Charton, whom Culkin dedicated his speech to, telling a story on stage about how Charton promised him a third and fourth child if we won an Oscar.
‘Please don’t play the music, because I want to tell a really quick story about Jazz,’ Culkin began. ‘A year ago, I said that I want a third kid — because she said if I won the [Emmy] award [for Succession], she would give me the kid. Turns out she said that because she didn’t think I was going to win.’
An agreeing Charton laughed from the crowd, before Culkin continued, ‘People came up to me and were like, you know, really annoying her, it got to her. But anyway — after the show we’re walking through a parking lot, she’s holding the Emmy, she goes, ‘Oh, god, I did say that. I guess I owe you a third kid.’ I turned to her, I said, ‘Really, I want four. And she turned to me, I swear to god this happened, she said, ‘I will give you four when you win an Oscar.’ I held my hand out, she shook it and I have not brought it up once until just now.’
A classic Culkin speech, he concluded by saying ‘You remember that, honey? Then I just have to say to you, Jazz, love of my life, ye of little faith, No pressure. I love you. I’m really sorry I did this again. And let’s get cracking on those kids, what do you say? I love you.’
Of course, it was Charton laughing and shouting ‘No!’ as he walked off that made the night. His speech, however, wasn’t without some earnest thanks. ‘I have no idea how I got here, I’ve just been acting my whole life,’ Culkin said. ‘It’s just been part of what I do. I felt like this was never my trajectory, but however I got here, I know that Emily Gerson Saines, my manager of 30 years, it’s because of you, thank you for being there, I lean on you for everything, so, please don’t go anywhere. I’d be completely lost without you, I love you…I should thank my mom and Steve for trying to raise me. You’re really good people. You gave it your best shot. I love you, mom.’