Kieran Culkin made headlines around the world yesterday when his Emmy's award speech from Monday night went viral, in which he asked his wife, Jazz Charton, for a third baby on stage.
In a world where we all love to wake up to watching awards' speeches, snippets and memes on Instagram over our breakfast, it was one that stood out and the overwhelming reaction was one of 'Ahhhhh, sweet!'
And to be fair to Kieran, it did seem sweet - he seems hopelessly in love with his wife and actually it was amazing to see a man on one of the biggest stages in the world bring fatherhood and a love of children into the conversation.
It did though cause a tiiiiny little shiver down my spine - and even Culkin himself later admitted it was 'rude' of him to ask.
Is it ever ok for men to ask a female partner to have another baby, when they won't be carrying the child (and, as report after report shows, carry the subsequent labour and career burdens)? Or, more to the point, bring that question up so publicly when it's a point of debate in the couple?
Picking up his Emmy award on Monday Culkin thanked his 'beautiful wife' for 'giving me two amazing kids' before adding: 'And Jazz, I want more.' As the audience - and his wife, to be fair - laughed, he continued: 'You said maybe if I win!'
The speech was quickly branded the ‘most romantic speech of all time' by some on X (formerly Twitter), though others wondered if it was fair to say something like this on such a huge stage.
Speaking in the winners' room afterwards with perhaps a little less adrenaline coursing through his veins, Culkin qualified that he did have some regrets about mentioning another baby in his speech - though also clarified that it was an honest request and not a joke.
'I've been asking for a while,' he told reporters. 'Jazz said, "Maybe if you win the Emmy". I didn't bring it up for months, and then when I won the Globe, I said, "Do you remember what you said?" And she was like, "What? No. What did I say? I don't remember this".
'So I told her, and then it all came back to her. So then she spent the whole week being nervous.'
Trying to shut the conversation down, Culkin then added: ‘Instead of just talking to her in private like a human, I just blasted her on stage, which was very rude. And that's it. That's the whole story. Anyway, the end.’
Charton herself was in on the joke it seems, later posting a picture on Instagram with the caption: ‘Here is the exact moment I realized I may have made a huge mistake by JOKINGLY saying ‘we can have another baby if you ever win an Emmy’. And of course, no-one here is really judging Culkin and the couple’s personal situation - though it did get us thinking outside of that context.
We asked you on The Juggle whether you thought it was ever ok for a man to ask his partner to have another child - as we published this piece, around 75% of you said yes, 25% said no, it wasn’t.
Though, many of you asked for clarification… was it the public arena that felt uncomfortable, for instance? ‘Yes, but not at the Emmy’s’ one of you told us. Fair point.
Ok, most of us won’t have to worry about a partner having to pick up an Emmy any time soon. But if you’re having dinner with friends, is it ok for a man - if their partner, as seems the case with Culkin and Charton given their comments, aren’t fully on board or at least undecided - to make a joke in front of everyone about wanting another kid and their partner blocking them?
Many of you said, if a man can’t bring it up, then how would a conversation even get started? ‘She can always say no!’ said one message. And it’s right that it’s important to keep a dialogue open about whether someone wants more (or any!) kids - things do change, not just circumstance, but people and their feelings too. Those lines of communication are so important. As another added: ‘Ok to ask, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to get them. The same way that a woman can ask and needs to respect what their partner says and wants to.’
That’s true - it’s never fair to override anyone’s feelings about having another baby, regardless of gender. But perhaps that’s where some of the ickiness some felt came from… knowing from one’s own (or friends’) experience that whether or not to have another child can be a real bone of contention for many couples, and can tear some apart. Implicit in the joke was that Culkin’s wife wasn’t on board, that’s what made it funny, right? But it’s what also may have given some people an uncomfortable flashback (or flash forward to conversations to be had).
In a world where women have to carry the babies for nine months (sorry, but let's be real, it's closer to 10 months) and then experience everything from loss of self to loss of earnings for anything up to 18 years, isn’t it ok to say that the woman’s decision holds more weight? We’re not talking about Culkin and Charton’s situation here specifically, who knows their arrangements - and it of course will alter from couple to couple. There will of course be some men out there who are the primary caregiver and can legitimately say they carry half - or more - of the parental load, so outside of those nine months, it’s as much their decision as a female partner.
But if we deal outside of exceptions, there’ll always be something that sits uncomfortably with a man asking a woman to have another child in this world if they're not on board. Because whatever you may decide in your own home, we still live in a society that punishes mothers - and if someone has to make that decision wholeheartedly, it has to be the partner who might suffer that.
Perhaps then, it’s more about whether it’s really a conversation for everyone to be privy to - or one where any pressure should be placed either way.
For Culkin there was one more clarification - should he get his way, no he ‘wouldn’t name it Emmy.’