Um, Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Buy Your Dad Sex Toys For Father’s Day

A penile masturbation device, to be exact.

Gwyneth Paltrow Father's Day

by Lydia Spencer-Elliott |

Ah, what to buy the man who has everything. A pair of socks? Some golf gloves? A nice bottle of whisky? A fun tie? What really screams: ‘thanks for being my dad’? Well, according to Gwyneth Paltrow, sex toys do.

Yup. The Goop founder reckons the perfect Father’s Day gift is nothing other than her own range of male sex toys: two vibrating penis rings ($100) and a penile masturbation device ($200) to be exact. She’s calling them ‘guy pleasers’- we’re calling it horrendously awkward.

Just take a second to imagine the scene: you’ve sat down for a wholesome family dinner and slide a gift coyly across the table to your dad. ‘Thank you for your love and support over the last year,’ you say... as your father pulls open the present’s ribbon to discover a vibrating penis ring. Your sister throws up into the ice bucket. Oedipus complex is rapidly searched on Google by your mother.

‘Dads, brothers, uncles, boyfriends, and husbands have not seen much in the way of innovation,’ the Goop website claims of the uncomfortably spicy gift ideas. ‘But rather than reinvent the wheel, we decided it would be more fun to Goop the sh*t out of it.’

Gwyneth’s gift guide then handily breaks down her Father’s Day offering into three different sections of x-rated and more traditional gifts: ‘Chef’s Kiss’, ‘In Pursuit Of A Different Kind Of Dad Bod’, and ‘The Sharpest Tool In The Shed’.

And, needless to say, the internet is horrified. ‘Yeah. I’ll get right on to buying sexual devices for my FATHER!’ joked one user. ‘She’s insane,’ another added bluntly, while a third specified: ‘I don’t even want to think about my father’s sex life much less buy him a sex toy.’

From vagina-scented candles to jade eggs for Kegel type exercises, Gwyneth genuinely never fails to surprise us with her latest intimate invention. But this marketing move may have been a step too far.

Happily, we've some other suggestions below.

Gallery

Father’s Day Gift Guide 2022

Personalised Concrete Desk Planter, Not Another Bill
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Elevate his desk space with this dual-purpose concrete planter. It will not only add a pop of colour, but also has space for (only his chicest) pens and pencils.

Strawberry Smash Gin,  Sipsmith
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Treat your dad to a taste of summer with this sublime gin, which is distilled with the juiciest strawberries direct from Wimbledon. Expect Brownie points for life, once he has a sip of this.

Master Hot Sauce Collection, Amazon
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If the dad in your life is anything like ours, then he doesn't let a thing pass his lips without a large drizzle of hot sauce covering it. So indulge his taste buds with this pack of 30 uniquely flavoured hot sauces – we have it on good authority that the Jalapeno Lime is rather moreish (to say the least).

Personalised Card Holder, Not Another Bill
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Give your dad the official thumbs up with this chic Italian leather card holder that feels much more expensive than it actually is. Be sure to check out the wide range of personalisation options available.

Carolina Herrera Bad Boy Cobalt, from £59.50, The Perfume Shop
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Aside from the instant gratification your dad will get from unboxing this statement bottle, clean notes of oakwood, vetiver and cedar will ensure repeat buys in the future.

You Got This and Be You Art Prints, Fy
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Show your appreciation for your very important dad with these cool graphic prints from Fy.

Men’s Nightwear Gift Set, The White Company
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Elevate his loungewear with this soft, stylish set of basics from The White Company.

Camille Walala: Taking Joy Seriously, Amazon
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Inspire design junkie dads with this new book from Camille Walala which is filled with her graphic, colourful art, alongside sketches and descriptions of design processes.

Nikka Coffey Grain Whisky, The Whisky Exchange
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Spoil your dad with this sweet Japanese sipping whisky from iconic brand, Nikka. With notes of toffee and vanilla, this smooth tipple is reminiscent of a rum and is best enjoyed straight or on the rocks.

Personalised Giant Photo Booth Print, Not On The High Street
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For something unique this Father's Day, surprise your dad with this cool, super-sized photo booth-style print from The Drifting Bear. We love.

LOOKFANTASTIC x MANKIND Father’s Day Box
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Get thrifty while overhauling his grooming regime with this hamper full of luxe men's products. From Elemis bodywash to Medik8 cleansing gel to This Works Sleep Plus pillow spray, he is going to look like a new man. Containing 12 grooming products, this box is worth over £130 in total.

Personalised Ferm Living Kitchen Towel in Light Blue and Burgundy, Not Another Bill
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Entice your dad into the kitchen with this ridiculously stylish, personalised tea towel.

Portugal The Cookbook, Amazon
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Transport your dad to Portugal with this brilliant cookbook from Phaidon. Think fresh fish, meaty stews and those sweet, crumbly natas. All ridiculously moreish.

Hybrid Pillow, Simba
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If your long-suffering dad is in dire need of a quality sleep, then look no further than this smart pillow from Simba. It'll regulate his head temp and he can adjust the height and firmness simply by removing or adding the interior foam blocks or 'nanocubes'.

Fortuna Multi Use Clips, Octaevo
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Whether he uses these 2x3cm metal clips as a cute accessory to brighten up his outfit, a paperclip or a chic bookmark, he will be one very lucky dad.

Churchill Whisky Glass, Not Another Bill
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Spoil your whisky-loving dad with his own, (incredibly chic) reeded glass tumbler.

Franz Ferdinand – Hits To The Head Vinyl, Amazon
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Indie dads can't fail to love this newly-released double LP from Franz Ferdinand. In addition to 18 of the band's classic anthems, (oh, hello Michael and Take Me Out) the album features two brand new songs.

The Savoury Selection Hamper, Fortnum & Mason
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Make your dad's Father's Day that bit more special with this impressive hamper from Fortnum & Mason. Filled with a fine selection of cheeses, chutneys, crackers, pate, olives and more – everything he needs for a very decadent (well deserved) picnic lunch.

Aveda Phomollient Styling Foam, Look Fantastic
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Tame his wayward barnet with this beauty ed. favourite. Simply smooth over dry or towel-dried tresses and hair is instantly smoother and sleeker. Flyaways begone!

Clover Stripes Poplin Pyjamas, Tekla
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For the crème-de-la-crème of sleepwear, look no further than Tekla. These luxe pyjamas are crafted from the softest organic cotton and are designed to be worn oversized and slouchy.

This Might Be Worth Something Print, Mr Bingo
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Invest in this cool A4 sized print from Mr Bingo and even if it's not worth millions in 10 years, he will have a cool limited-edition screen-print on his wall.

Beer, Pressure Drop Brewing
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There is nothing our dads enjoy more than a fine craft beer. And when they look and taste quite this good, you are onto a sure-fire winner.

Idles T-shirt, Merch For Good
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Treat your dad to a band tee from Merch For Good, not least because 100% of profits go direct to Trekstock, to help support adults in their 20s and 30s living with cancer. From Alt J to Metronomy to Warpaint, all artwork is designed by the bands themselves and makes a cool alternative to a tour t-shirt.

Il Letterato Lavander Candle, Ginori 1735
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For the dad who has everything… may we present this beyond-stylish porcelain candlestick from chic Italian brand, Ginori 1735. It not only smells divine (think green and zesty), but also makes for a striking table centrepiece.

Roberts Revival Petite Portable DAB Radio, John Lewis
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Hurrah! Roberts Radio have created a portable, petite version of their iconic DAB radio. He can even Bluetooth across his own playlist and use the device as a standalone travel speaker. Versatile.

Mason Digital Photo Frame, Aura Frames
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Keep your dad updated with all those photos off your phone with this brilliant smart-frame from Aura. Simply download the app and start sending pics to it. It even plays videos through an inbuilt speaker.

Smeg Pizza Stone
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If your dad loves his Italian food and is forever lusting after pizza ovens, then may we present the perfect gift… This 60cm pizza stone heats up as your oven pre-heats and mimics a traditional pizza oven, crisping up the base and puffing up your dough for a restaurant quality pizza.

Bookmark Nazar, Octaevo
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Protect your dad from evil spirits with this stylish lightweight bookmark from design company, Octaevo.

Darkness Whisky Tasting Set, Master of Malt
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There is something rather special about a tasting set as it forces the sampler to be mindful and really think about what they are trying. And this sherried whisky is a fine example. Very reasonably priced, it'll make a thoughtful gift for the whisky connoisseur without breaking the bank.

Coconut Milk Bath, Aman
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Give your dad the night off with this indulgent coconut milk bath from Aman. It will not only make him smell heavenly, but will also soften his skin and help relax that busy mind.

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