The Ex-Boyfriend Birthday Text Trap: Bella Hadid Is The Latest Victim Of ‘HBD, Thinking Of U x’

It's your birthday. You're opening presents, being waited on hand and foot and generally revelling in your Birthday Bitch status, when your phone buzzes. ‘Happy Birthday, hope you’re having a good one – thinking of you x’.

Your ex hasn’t been in touch for months, and suddenly they've decided that it's essential to let you know that they're glad that you were born.

Obviously you screenshot it and send it to your group chat. ‘What a fucking prick,’ one friend immediately replies. ‘Noo, I think it’s nice – say thank you!’, the resident Charlotte York argues. Suddenly, you have to decide, are 'Happy Birthday' texts from exes courteous or cruel?

It’s a question Bella Hadid was met with this week when her ex, The Weeknd, reportedly got back in touch on her birthday to wish her well. According to E! who reported the original story, she was then spotted getting into his car after her birthday party at Miss Lily’s in New York City.

‘The Weeknd did reach out to Bella during the day to wish her a "Happy Birthday" and they have been in touch,’ an insider told the publication. ‘There is no bad blood between the two and they are on good terms right now. There isn't any chance of them getting back together right now but Bella never wants to have any anger or resentment towards anyone.’

Listen, Bella, we’ve all been there. You’re a few months post-break up and dreading your first birthday without the person that was obliged to shower you with affection. You agonise over whether they will get in touch or leave you be, and at the time, you’re dreading the clock striking midnight when zero texts later you are forced to acknowledge realise ‘wow, we’re really never speaking again.’

But years on, with a no heartbreak haze ruining your sense of clarity, you realise: not getting in touch was the best thing they could’ve done. Because otherwise, like Bella may or may not have done, you fall into the Ex Trap and suddenly you’re back to questioning whether or not the break-up was really for the best. (Let’s be honest, more often than not, it is).

Because actually, while it might appear a thoughtful gesture, messaging an ex on their birthday so close to a breakup (Bella and The Weeknd reportedly split up in August) is just selfish. It’s a thinly veiled attempt to seem as if you still care, when really testing just how much that person still cares about you based on their response.

I know, because I’ve been there - as in, I’ve been the 'prick' that sent the ‘happy birthday’ text. The last time I messaged my ex on his birthday – a few weeks post breakup – I wasn’t doing it because I wanted him to feel loved and adored no matter what, I was doing because I still loved him and needed an excuse to message him. It was all about my wants and needs, not his. And in hindsight, it was completely unfair. Because, low and behold, he was left wondering what my intentions were, how I felt about him and whether there was potential to get back together.

Often in the midst of a breakup, exes will find any excuse to maintain contact. How many of us have praised the Lord after finding a random sock in our laundry just so we can message an ex saying ‘got some stuff here you’re really going to want to pick up'?

It’s the masochist in us that not only forces us to maintain a relationship with someone that’s not good for us, but also that wants validation in our power over another’s emotions. Logically, we know the best thing to do is to cut and run, at least for a period of time where you can learn to live fulfilling lives without each other’s support, and yet so often love and pride blinds us to that logic.

So, here’s a healthy reminder for those of you stuck in the heartbreak haze (or those of you that are just plain manipulative like I was): unless you’re already friends - or it’s been years since you broke up - sending a happy birthday text is not a wise move. Just let the woman pose with her birthday balloons and leave her be, I beg you.

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