New Year can throw a lot of things into sharp relief, not least the state of your relationship. In fact, January is known as divorce month, as so many people start proceedings then, following the pressure cooker of the festive period.
The Christmas before my divorce, 10 years ago, was when I truly realised how bad things were. One of my most vivid memories is crying in the loos of a service station on the way to visit in-laws, and looking in the mirror to realise that my festive reindeer jumper matched the red of my swollen eyes.
It's hardly surprising that this time of year is hard on marriages, with cold, dark days stuck in the house with someone you can't seem to click with any more, not to mention money worries and a touch of seasonal depression. But how do you know if it's just January blues or a sign that the end is nigh? Afterall, many of us re-evaluate our lives in January, only to forget all our new resolutions not long after.
For me, it was my inability to picture the next Christmas that helped make up my mind. I just couldn't imagine a future with us putting up the same decorations, watching the same festive films. I also found being with my in-laws very stressful that year, even though they were always kind and welcoming. Spending extended time together, including an expensive 'make or break" New lear's holiday, only seemed to make things worse. I came back in January feeling even more disconnected and realised I was already making plans to leave, even if it would be several months before things finally ended.
So how do you know if the situation is temporary or terminal? My advice would be to consider a trial separation, even a few weeks, and to try to imagine being with them this time next year. Pay attention to what's adding to the stress - if it was just resentment over having to do everything during the festive frenzy, then maybe there are other factors at play. But if you can't envision things ever being better, perhaps it's time to think about calling it quits. Consider too how you feel about your shared life and tra-ditions, if you are building something together or not. How will it feel to divide up belongings?
Can you picture a future where you're happy but they're not in it? If you realise after all of this that walking away is the right decision, divorce month may give you the nudge you need to change your future.
Claire's latest book, 'Truth Truth Lie (Thomas & Mercer), is out now