Allow me to start with a confession: when I was 18, I used to think acting ‘psycho’ was a normal display of affection. In fact, I thought it was an attractive quality, at the very least it was funny to my friends at the time (or rather, it created the kind of dramatic night out teens can gossip about for weeks).
I romanticised the idea of being so absolutely obsessed with someone, you and your partner would fall into a jealous rage at the mere sight of the other talking to another person. And me and my boyfriend at the time did do that, escalating every slight flirt as a sign of severe disrespect. Naturally our relationship became toxic pretty quickly.
So, when I first heard Tanyel Revan describe herself as ‘feisty’ and ‘a lot to handle’, making jokes about her ability to fly off the handle when she’s jealous, I recognised a version of myself that no longer exists (thank God). She’ll create the drama for sure, I thought – as did many other viewers, likening her to Anna Vakili from season five – but knowing the insecurities that lay beneath my ‘psycho’ persona back then, I felt a pang of concern for her.
On last night’sLove Island, Tanyel’s jealous reactions became the talk of the show. After a relatively slow start on the dating front, she admitted to Kai that she was so annoyed seeing him speak to Anna-May that she wanted to throw something at him.
‘You’re going to think I’m crazy,’ she giggled. ‘I actually got really jealous, and I don’t like it… it really fucking annoyed me that you spoke to someone else. I wanted to literally get something and chuck it at your head, that obviously shows me that you like it. On the outside world I don’t have guys that are chasing everyone, not that I know of, they’re only chasing me. I feel like that gives me my self-worth, I feel disrespected when someone’s talking and kissing other people.’
Hearing Tanyel talk about getting her self-worth from men chasing her, it’s painfully relatable for so many women who realise that – after a lifetime of being socialised to believe a man’s love makes you whole – they’ve been craving male validation their whole lives, instead of looking inward for love regardless of other’s opinions.
Frankly, when I was in Tanyel’s state of mind, I ended up despising the person I became by letting jealousy fester in my relationship. But ultimately, that realisation forced me to leave that relationship and grow into a healthier version of myself, that can now recognise intense jealousy for the red flag it truly is. Now that I’m more secure and know my value outside of someone being in love with me, my relationships are better and easier – one can only hope for that kind of redemption arc.
What happens when Tanyel's jealousy goes further than the public deem acceptable?
Of course, it’s not for me to speculate on Tanyel’s sense of self - she could be more secure and fulfilled than I ever was back then - but what I worry about is the public reaction. As someone who can relate to Tanyel in the best and worst ways, how long will viewers stay on her side should jealousy be the main theme of her Love Island pairings?
Twitter certainly seems to be loving the fact she’s ignited some drama into a usually dull first week, but we all saw the intense backlash to Faye Winter’s jealous meltdown last year. Fans immediately switched from celebrating the chaos she caused on the show to condemning her for going too far.
But that’s the thing, these are real people with real emotions, they’re not always going control their behaviour to whatever standard the public decides to set that week, especially when it’s rooted in deeper issues. What’s exciting for reality TV drama can quickly become a case for banning shows like this altogether, with contestants called out for normalising or romanticising unhealthy behaviours in relationships.
All we can hope is that Tanyel toes the line well, giving us the entertainment viewers crave without becoming the subject of public vilification for losing her temper. It’s a tight rope few have managed to tread well, but with proper emotional support from ITV’s care team hopefully she can. My former self wishes her all the luck - but my current hopes she knows that her value is just as high whether a man is chasing her or not.