Usually, the name of a reality TV show is an overly sensationalised, somewhat ‘clickbait’ description of anything we’ll actually see on screen - but for The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Not only does it lift the lid on the norms of a religious community few in the UK have come into contact with, but it unveils the way Mormon women – at least these self-described progressive Mormon women – are actually living, and boy does it deliver some wild realities.
We’ve seen women who eschew alcoholic beverages in favour of 44oz sodas (that’s 1.2 litres to me and you), avoiding tobacco at all costs but inhaling nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and wearing ‘garments’ to protect their modesty but twerking on camera for TikTok likes. It’s a reality world we’ve never encountered before – and it’s brilliant. So brilliant, some of it is truly too wild to believe. Watching the show, you’ll likely find yourself Googling an abundance of Mormon-based questions to better understand your new favourite reality TV wives.
From what ‘fruity pebbles’ are to why they’re obsessed with soda, we’ve broken down the Mormon Wives lexicon so you can get better acquainted with the real, real housewives of Utah…
What are Mormon garments?
In one episode, a fuss is made of Jen Affleck (yes, of the Ben Affleck relation) when she forgets her garments on a girls trip. Cue endless Google queries of what garments are and why they’re so important. Well, garments are quite literally undergarments. They’re usually long shorts and a short-sleeved top, worn under clothes as a symbol of modesty. In Mormonism, garments serve as a reminder of the members commitment to church rules and their connection to God.
Why aren’t Mormons allowed to drink or smoke?
Mormons aren’t allowed to drink any kind of alcohol, nor use tobacco, because the teachings in Word of Wisdom (an 1833 section of the Doctrine and Covenants, sacred text to Mormons) which dictates that prophet Joseph Smith received a revelation from God stating, ‘If anyone 'drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good.’
In the same text, Mormons are taught not to drink coffee or any tea other than herbal tea, and to abstain from illegal drugs. Legal drugs appear to be okay, but they’re taught not to ‘abuse’ them.
What is dirty soda?
That’s perhaps why the wives on the show are so obsessed with soda. In one episode, Demi Lucy May explains that for Mormons, soda is their only vice. The women on the show are seen ordering 44oz sodas regularly (1.2 litres!) with Demi herself ordering a mix of ‘sparkling water, sugar-free coconut syrup, sugar-free vanilla syrup, sugar-free raspberry syrup, sugar-free pineapple syrup, and coconut cream.’ Their drinks are also known as ‘dirty soda’ which references any soda mixed with cream or flavoured syrup.
Are Mormons allowed to do Botox?
The women are also seen getting Botox somewhat regularly on the show, which the women say is technically allowed in Mormonism as the Church has not taken an official stance on plastic surgery in general. However, given that one of the main principles of Mormonism is to treat your body as sacred and temples of God, so the ‘Spirit can dwell in them’, some have pointed out that there is a hypocrisy in getting Botox (a drug made from a toxin produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum).
Why can Mormons do laughing gas?
That said, the women themselves admit that they will sometimes get Botox just to enjoy the use of nitrous oxide (laughing gas) which some cosmetic salons offer as a way to reduce anxiety during injections. Is laughing gas allowed in Mormonism? Well, again, it’s not against the rules as it’s a sedative commonly used for medical and dental procedures – but it is also being used as a recreational drug so… you can see why some might raise an eyebrow.
Are Mormons allowed to gamble?
Similar to the somewhat vague rules above, gambling is another topic of discussion on the show. When Jen’s husband Zack is seen gambling with (her) $2,500 dollars in Vegas, many questioned how Mormons have to follow such strict rules around their alcohol and drug use, but they’re allowed to gamble freely. Well, technically they are, but the Church frowns upon it. Again, you can see why some might question the practice particularly when approved by self-described ‘saints’ of the group, Jen and Zack. The same Zack that also threatened divorce because Jen almost attended a male stripper performance by the way!
Are Mormons expected to have kids by 21?
In the opening scene, Mormon wife Mikayla Matthews says Mormons are expected to have kids by 21, or in her case, 16 (her husband was 21 at the time, a fact cooly glossed over by the show but causing controversy online). While the Church teaches that the decision of how many children to have and when to have them is private for a ‘husband and wife’, they do encourage families to have children once they are ‘physically able’.
They preach no sex before marriage and historically, the Church of Latter-Day Saints has condemned birth control as sinful. In the present day, the LDS Church does not ban birth control but does oppose elective abortion and discourages sterilization.
What is soaking?
Thanks to the old ‘no sex before marriage’ thing, Mormons appear to have found a way around the rule by use of the practice ‘soaking’. Prepare yourself, I beg. Soaking is the sexual practice of a man inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina but not subsequently thrusting. Mormons believe that doesn’t actually count as sex because you’re not actively moving. However, another loophole, is called ‘shaking the bed’, where a third party will go underneath the bed and bounce it. Yeah, really.
While it's not known how common the practice of soaking is, on the The Viall Files podcast, Taylor Frankie Paul confirmed 'It's a thing.'
What’s the ‘Fruity Pebbles’ story?
Just when you thought you’d heard enough about Mormon sex lives, we’ve got another one for you. Now, this isn’t necessarily common practice, but it is talked about A LOT on the show: the ‘Fruit Pebbles incident’. So much so, ‘Fruity Pebbles reddit’ is a breakout search term for the show. It all came out during one episode when Whitney Leavitt and Mikayla where discussing Demi’s sex life, and shared a story where Demi used Fruity Pebbles, a type of sweet cereal, as part of a sex act with her husband.
They act out Demi sitting on her husband’s face, in an effort to explain how the cereal was involved, but don’t ever say what actually went down. Demi hasn’t ever gone on record explaining, but many have hypothesised in her comment section that the fruity pebbles were either an edible addition to oral sex, or that she used them to ‘sweeten’ the taste her urine when engaging in a so-called ‘golden shower’. Truly, we think we’d rather not know at this point!