If people in their twenties think the dating scene is rough, they probably haven't considered what it's like when you add kids, ex-husbands and half a life's worth of experiences to the mix. Thanks to the nine single parents on ITV's new dating show My Mum, Your Dad they don't have to.
Each of the single parents has gone on Davina McCall's new show, somewhat ungenerously dubbed the 'middle-aged Love Island', to have a stab at finding love. For some, they've chosen to take part in the wake of a failed relationship or because they've never met the right person. But for silver fox Roger, 58, he's there to try dating for the first time since becoming a widower. Whatever their reasons, they all have complicated pasts, their own insecurities and a shared hope of meeting someone new.
In a moving scene in the first episode, Roger told single mum Caroline, 51, that it was his first date since his wife of 31 years died of cancer the previous summer. He explained that his wife had been struggling with an itch behind her ear on a family holiday in Italy, which he encouraged her to get checked when they got home, and was told her breast cancer had spread to her brain. She died at home shortly afterwards.
It was a touching conversation that brought Caroline to tears – as well as his daughter Jess, who watched on from the My Mum, Your Dad surveillance room with the other sons and daughters. Seeing Roger open up about his loss to someone new is something anyone who's dated after losing a partner will relate to. It's not something he could hide or avoid – and it was a particularly brave thing to do when you know your date is going to be aired on national television.
In the aftermath of their conversation, Roger seemed visibly daunted by the prospect of moving on. So much so that it prompted several viewers to question whether he's ready to date again or whether it was right for him to go on the show in the first place. One Twitter user wrote, 'Roger needs a good dose of bereavement counselling before he dates again, he's not ready for a relationship by a long shot, he's not even got over the shock of losing her yet, a year is still very very raw.'
Of course, any scene of this nature is going to evoke a response from the audience. And there's a good chance people just want to make sure all of the participants have a fair chance at meeting someone and aren't encouraged to pursue something with someone who isn't ready. However, any criticism beyond this is unfair.
How and when people choose to move on after losing their partner is arguably one of the most private and sensitive experiences a person can go through. No two situations are the same. Roger has chosen to take part on the show with the active support of his family and he shouldn't be criticised for opening up about his loss on a date.
Unfortunately, his grief isn't going anywhere – it will be something he carries with him into any new relationship, whether he's in one now or he doesn't date for another ten years. In fact, being open about his past at the first opportunity is a promising sign that he's looking for a meaningful and honest connection. It's something, you'd hope, that he would be admired and respected for. If not for himself, for the thousands of viewers who have probably gone through something similar.
There have also been suggestions that Roger was 'pushed' to go on the show by his daughter before he was ready. This is a bizarre assumption to make about a delicate and personal situation we, as the audience, know very little about. On the date with Caroline, Roger even said he sometimes wished it was him who died so that his daughter didn't have to lose her best friend. That doesn't sound like the type of relationship anyone would rush to forget.
In the run up to the show, Roger even spoke about his supportive daughter and said, 'She is so thoughtful and it was just a lovely thing for her to say, "Dad, look, we understand that you’re struggling and it’s been hard and we know that you’ve got a lot of love to give and we’re OK if you were to see someone else". So much so that she put me forward.' Adding that, 'They just wanted me to know they’d be happy to see me with someone else and just want me to be happy.'
Fortunately, praise for Roger has rightfully drowned out the unwarranted criticism. Several viewers took to Twitter with one writing, 'It’s only episode one and I already want nothing but the world for Roger. GIVE THAT MAN A HUG.' And another said, 'What a great fella, absolutely heartbreaking. Roger seems like he deserves some happiness.' You know what, we wholeheartedly agree!