Ah, the age-old question is back. This is a dating etiquette debate that has divided friendship groups and encompassed the Twitter timeline for years. Who should pay on the first date?
Last night on Love Island, Tanyel Revan made a strong statement about the fact that men should pay on the first date – and we’ve got some mixed opinions on the matter. During their first challenge of the series secrets were revealed about the islanders. One statement said, ‘This girl offers to pay on her first date and if the boy accepts, she will not see him again.’
It was then revealed to be Tanyel and she further explained, ‘If he offers to take you out on a date, then you’re taking ME on a date and should pay. If you can’t provide for me then how then will you provide fora family one day? Why would I even go on a second date with you?’ The boys erupted in horror and Kai seemed quite surprised and even a bit put-off by her answer but is she right? Or is this way of thinking outdated?
While I think her approach is very savage, I do agree slightly with the principle of what she said. I think the man should pay for the first date – to me it makes a great first impression. However, after the first date it’s a different rule. The key here is initiation. I think that the initiator of the date should pay, be it man or woman. I do think paying is a lovely gesture, but it shouldn’t always be expected.
We took the question to the Grazia readers to find out what they think on the matter. The answers are mixed and the multifaceted. ‘I would feel uncomfortable with a guy paying for the whole bill, especially if it was an expensive bill. As women, we can’t expect equality but then push for the man to always pay,’ said 27-year-old Samantha from London.
Megan, 26 from from Kent admits that whilst she believes in equality – she likes a guy more when he pays for the first date. She explains, ‘Is it bad to say I’m a feminist, very independent but I get flattered by a man paying for the date. Is that so wrong?’
Other women are more inclined to splitting the bill 50/50. ‘We should definitely split the bill. If we don’t have a second date and he pays for the whole bill, I’ll feel bad that I never got to balance out the costs,’ says Zara, 26 from Liverpool.
‘It depends if he’s initiated the date and where it is,' says 30-year-old *Aisha. Adding, ‘For example, I was asked out on a first date to dinner at the Savoy Hotel. That’s very flashy and I was taken aback at the invitation. That was a moment where I didn’t expect to pay.’
While 35-year-old Katie from Essex stands firmly by the belief that a man should pay regardless of what the date entails. ‘I don’t really budge on this rule – it’s just how it is. I think a man should definitely pay for the first date.I'm very traditional and that's it.'
According to a Survey of 2,000 adults by dating platform Match.uk, women are on a mission to eradicate gender norms in dating. On a first date, two thirds of women (66%) expect the bill to be split equally, and one in five women (22%) would never let someone pay for them on a date.
Male attitudes were much more traditional. Only one fifth of men (20%) think a bill should be split equally on a first date. Moreover, just over half think they should pick up the full bill, and only four per cent of men think a woman should pay on a date. Interestingly, once men start to get to know their date better, they’re more inclined to split the bill; over half (59%) of men are happy to ‘go Dutch’ once they know their partner better.
Many women we spoke to also pointed to the importance of how much their significant other earns once they are comfortably dating. If their partner earns significantly more, they would expect them to pay slightly more for date nights and vice versa.
Ed Buhler, Director at sexual wellness brand Bodyjoys shared his expert opinion with Grazia. 'The issue of who should pay for a first date has been around for decades, but has never had a firm answer – and in a constantly-evolving world where equality is a hot topic and society is gradually moving away from gender stereotypes, it’s more relevant than ever.'
He continued, 'Tradition dictates that the man should pay on the first date – but is that a good enough reason to continue the custom? The world we live in nowadays is barely recognisable from the era when this tradition was first established, and many people – of all genders – believe this is an outdated ritual that should be consigned to history.
As with any discussion of finance and economy, the issue of fairness is a difficult one to get into, with many moving parts. What would equality look like? Each person paying half? The person with the bigger income paying? An awkward mixture of the two, calculators out at the dinner table and comparing your respective incomes to see who should pay what? That would be quite the mood-killer!'
A few women we spoke to also mentioned the ever growing cost-of-living crisis. In fact, 40% of single Brits are reporting they aren’t able to date as frequently due to the financial cost-of-living burden, a study by dating platform Match.com has suggested. Samantha says it's 'unjust' and 'unfair' for a man to be expected to foot the bill during these difficult times.
Expert Ed also comments on the change of attitude due to the cost of living crisis. He said, 'It's certainly possible – and in some cases might even be necessary, with money tighter than ever – but it’s unlikely that this phenomenon will change any time soon. As long as women enjoy a free meal and men continue to see it as their responsibility to provide it, the tradition of the man paying for dinner will probably continue – it just might be at a slightly cheaper restaurant than in previous years!'
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer as this topic is very subjective. All in all, this debate comes down to how traditional you are. Some people, even men themselves, still uphold the traditional approach of being able to foot the bill - many even insist. Whilst some women are removing themselves from the gender norms within the dating sphere, others are not so willing to budge.
In today's modern dating world, I think it's wise to go into a first date not expecting anything. Even if a man has been insistent that he will cover the costs, I will always have some cash on me - you don't want to end up in an awkward scenario.
READ MORE: Love Island: Is Haris’ ‘Three-Month Rule’ For Dating Cut-Throat Or Common Sense?