Just Nine Reasons Why Love Island Really Isn’t Hitting The Same This Year

It is what it is, but Love Island just isn't hitting the same way as it usually does.

Some of the chat is DIRE - and we know that they're showing us the best highlights from a whole 24 hours, so why are we listening to Millie talk about teeth? The conversation is at Fresher's Week levels - I can't listen to another 'So do you have siblings?' convo. And we don't fancy any of the boys... even if it's one we know is no good for us. Plus WHY IS NO-ONE FUNNY (save our Queen Faye and her ball bag lips chat)?

Now football's not coming home and some of us are still worried about covid, we need a show that's 100 per cent our type on paper... and we're feeling mugged off.

So wtf is going wrong? It's like one of those terrible dates that should work... but isn't quite yet.

We know the producers are inundated with thousands of entries... then go out to cast even more. So whether it's some dud characters or a bad mix, how have we ended up where we are?

As seasoned Love Island experts, the Grazia team put our heads together to come up with some theories...

Casting people with commitment issues

We love Faye, we do - her brutal honesty is often hilarious and you have to commend her for NEVER faking it with any guy she doesn’t feel a spark with. But the thing is, last night’s episode proved she’s really going to struggle connecting with anyone this year because of her fear of opening up. Part of us wants her to with Teddy Soares, because it is a game show all about falling in love after all, but then again it’s never fun to watch someone get hurt if Teddy ends up having a 'wandering eye'. Either way, it feels as though producers should maybe be casting people a little less scared of falling and open to LOVE not just (dare we speak it) the fame afterwards...

Casting men that have nothing to say

Yes, we only get to see a portion of what they’re really like - but from what we have seen, the men this year have little to NO conversational skills. Surely in the vast stages of interviews for this show, producers maybe could’ve weeded out the men who can barely string a sentence together? Without any banter or charisma, we never get even the slightest relief from the constant gaslighting - perhaps that’s why viewers think this year’s men are the most toxic cast ever…

There is zero banter

Let’s be very clear, we don’t watch Love Island for its comic genius. We’re not expecting Succession levels of comedic nuance. But for the love of God we want to enjoy it, and at the moment our enjoyment levels are lower than New Zealand’s Covid case rate. Little did we know, at the time, just how lucky we were when Chris Hughes waxed lyrical about polar bears, or Megan Barton Hanson retorted to Eyal Booker that he was ‘hardly Jim Carrey’ when he accused her of not being funny, or Jack Fincham went and did perfect impressions of the rest of contestants.

The banter has flowed through the previous six seasons of this show like a river, but now it has run dry. We have the World’s Least Funny Man, Liam, mumbling that he ‘likes pineapple’, and Brad banging on about how he likes to go for a coffee on a Saturday morning. Faye and Kaz are funny enough but they can’t carry this show alone, and human interaction with this little banter is genuinely painful to watch. Not to mention we need it more than ever this year after 18 months of reduced in person opportunities for our own banter, let alone fun.

This cast is letting us down badly on the jokes front, and if I have to watch one more bone dry scene between ‘the lads’ guffawing over someone picking up the wrong pair of shorts, rather than making up a rap a la Kem and Chris, or acting out Harry Potter scenes a la Jordan and Tommy, ITV is in danger of losing some of its most loyal Love Island viewers... US.

Bulk buying cheap fancy dress for 90% of the challenges

From the boys’ red pleather boxers, bow ties and devil horns to the girls’ ‘sexy cop’ get-up in the ‘love jail’ task, why do the majority of challenges involve the islanders squeezing into the sort of wedgy-inducing kit that seems to hang, dusty and largely ignored, in between the multi-packs of willy straws and X-rated card games in your local Ann Summers? You could perhaps excuse this distinct lack of imagination and styling in a show’s first season but we’re seven years in here. Don’t the islanders get a say in what they wear? And surely by now the coffers extend a little further than a James Bond g-string.

Oh... and spitting custard into one another's mouths is not ok

The challenges this year are NOT IT. We know that producers needs to be careful about not repeating mistakes like mentally torturing contestants but honestly, we want to be squealing and looking away from the screens in NO HE DID NOT Casa Amor style shocks. And substituting good chat and drama with spitting custard (the sound effects were NOT OK) and close-ups of arses on vibrating boards isn't it.

Also, when did it become alright to dye half the girls’ hair primary colours for a week?

Was anyone else outraged on behalf of the girls when the gunk-laden task involving mixology and a lie-down power plate contraption – surely that’s not good for your insides?! – resulted in the blonde lengths of Liberty, Faye and Chloe being dyed red, green and pink for a week? Just us? Yes, the colour faded. That, or the crew called in a bunch of hairdressers to set things right, but we’re betting the islanders were none too impressed with their surprise colour job in the interim. And who - as Twitter has pointed out - is making sure the Black girls' hair is being looked after during these nightmarish challenges?

Producers are too reliant on bombshells for drama

Firstly, the bombshells this year have been less BOMBSHELL and more quiet whimper. Where are our Megan Barton Hansons and Maura Higginses? The Bombshells keep coming in with great promise (because they all seem SO FED UP OF EACH OTHER) only for about half a day later - once one of our favourites has left the show in their place it seems - everyone, it turns out, doesn't actually fancy them. Also, it feels too quick. We've had about 19 already... that means two things: we're not being allowed to form strong bonds with some of the cast. And the actual impact of a bombshell isn't being felt enough... they're given about three hours to chat to everyone then make a random choice and boot someone else out... And why didn't Teddy get to pick first after all the drama of who he might fancy.

And caught between trying to be ethical but also, really not...

It feels sometimes like the show has got a bit caught up in itself... like the contestants seem to have been picked for their ability to start absolutely zero drama (Chloe and Faye you'll get a pass on that one), which we do understand after previous series'. Remember when Dani Dyer deciding not to go further than kissing on screen was a big deal? Now it seems the norm with these Islanders (again, understandable given past controversies). And think of Hugo's immediate tears when Sharon called him out for his fake comment - you could tell the stakes were too high and he feared being national conversation, they all seem to be biting their tongues. THEN there'll be zooming in on wobbling arses and the aforementioned custard spitting during a pandemic... the whole thing leaves us left in a weird land of WTFness.

Yet there is STILL no body diversity

We were upset. But we gave producers the benefit of the doubt- maybe one of the 5,673 bombshells that came into the villa might give us SOMETHING. But no, the girls remain largely within a two-size range and to be honest, after watching two weeks, we're kind of over it now. And the boys too - Toby (professionally an actual sportsman) is the only thing that passes for not 'gym fit'? No. We cannot.

Click through for the best Love Island memes from this series...