‘I’m Sorry. I Can’t. Don’t Hate Me’ – Why Berger From Sex And The City Is Carrie’s Worst Boyfriend

Berger was the worst, sorry. Don't hate me.

Carrie and Berger in Sex and the City

by Nikki Peach |
Published on

Carrie Bradshaw’s taste in men leaves a lot to be desired. From obnoxious Aleksandr Petrovsky to emotionally unavailable Mr Big, most of the 24 men she dated in Sex and the City were simply no good.

Other than providing impetus to write her mysteriously over-paid column about love and life in New York, and making the show so iconic and rewatchable, these men added little value to Carrie’s life.

That’s not to suggest our favourite New Yorker didn’t play her part. Carrie bailed on friends last minute if her man, say, decided he wanted to cook steaks (Mr Big), she compromised her entire career to support the fruition of her partner’s Parisian light installation (Aleksandr), and she, a sex columnist, stopped dating someone because they were bisexual (Sean). She certainly had her flaws.

However, there is one man who is entirely at fault. One man who broke up with her via a little yellow post-it note that said, ‘I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me’. One man who, 21 years after the episode first aired, still ruffles the feathers of SATC fans everywhere. That man is Jack Berger.

As fellow writers, the two met while Carrie was putting together her Sex and the City book of essays. Carrie had recently broken up with Aidan and Berger still had a girlfriend at the time, but they quickly hit it off. Berger then broke up with his girlfriend and they started dating. At first, it seemed like Carrie had finally found someone on her level; someone less arrogant and more charismatic than previous partners and who could relate to (and respect) her line of work.

However, things began to sour when Berger was dropped by his publisher after his first book didn’t sell as well as expected, and Carrie received a congratulatory $25,000 cheque because hers did. The covert misogyny, and downright disappointment, that Berger has come to embody over time makes him one of Carrie’s most memorable ex-boyfriends. Of course, the infamous post-it note didn't help.

Here are the seven reasons why Jack Berger is the worst.

1. He can't take criticism

Dating someone who does the same job as you is not for the faint hearted. While there are lots of benefits to having your partner understand what you do, recognising your hard work and spurring you on in times of doubt, there are also plenty of risks. When Berger asked Carrie what she thought of his book, she said she loved it (love, love love, loved it), but found it funny that the protagonist (a woman living in New York) wore a scrunchie. She, a woman living in New York, would never dream of wearing a scrunchie. Carrie's delivery was annoying, granted, but the way Berger immediately shut down and seemed unable to fathom that he might have misjudged something - something most of his readers probably wouldn't pick up on anyway – was a red flag. If you don't want any feedback, don't ask her to read it!

2. He is unhealthily competitive

Rather then viewing his girlfriend as a distinctive writer in her own right, in a world of infinite opportunities, who isn't even going for the same jobs or writing about the same things, Berger was threatened by Carrie's success. That meant when her career started to skyrocket and his took a knock, he was completely unable to cope. He should have been able to express his disappointment without it having any bearing on Carrie's success. The two are entirely unrelated.

3. He resorts to macho stereotypes when he feels emasculated

After clearly struggling when Carrie received a big advance for her book, a leather-clad Berger resorted to picking her up (for a red carpet event) on his motorbike because he 'hadn't taken it out in a while'. Carrie walked out of her apartment with slicked back hair and a Prada dress on and said she'd prefer to take a cab, but they ended up riding on the back of his bike to soothe his ego. They later got into a huge fight because he was driving too fast and of course the real reason turned out to be her success. Again.

4. He can't be happy for Carrie

Regardless of how he felt about his own book not doing well and his second option being dropped by his publisher, as Carrie's boyfriend, he should have been able to put his feelings aside for one evening to celebrate her. At. The. Very. Least.

5. He hates that about himself, but not enough to work through it

After the motorbike fight, Berger admits that he didn't think he'd be the type of guy to be threatened by his partner's success. However, he doesn't actually do anything about it. Of course, intimate relationships – romantic or otherwise – sometimes make us realise things about ourselves that we don't necessarily like. Instead of viewing it as an opportunity to grow, he just left. Excellent!

6. He refuses to have an open conversation

See above. The reason why Berger is one of Carrie's worst romantic partners is because he runs at the first sign of trouble. Until that point, they had a good relationship and could have lasted a lot longer than they did, especially since the 'trouble' wasn't to do with them as a couple. He let his ego ruin a good thing and that's pretty immature.

7. He dumps her via post-it note

The creme de la creme of break-ups. This post-it note can be seen without context and millions of fans around the world will know exactly what it is and how it makes them feel. To hammer its significance home, Carrie was even let off for smoking weed on the street by the police when she told them that she had woken up to find she'd been dumped via post-it note. The modern version of ghosting isn't much better, but there's something eternally cruel about the medium he chose. Shame on you, Berger.

Nikki Peach is a writer at Grazia UK, covering TV, celebrity interviews, news and features.

Just so you know, whilst we may receive a commission or other compensation from the links on this website, we never allow this to influence product selections - read why you should trust us