Even Joe Dempsie Found His Characters Sex Scene With Arya Stark ‘Strange’, But Why?

There were two plausible reactions to the scene that stole everyone’s attention in Sunday night’s Game of Thrones. When viewers, after eight seasons of watching Arya Stark grow into a woman, saw her choose to have sex with Gendry, there was the instant-recoil-head-flying-off reaction or slow-head-nod-our-girl-finally-got-some reaction.

There’s no denying it was unexpected at the time, with Arya yet to demonstrate any sexual urges throughout the series. So much so that Joe Dempsie, who plays Gendry on the show, was even taken aback by it when he read it in the script. 'It was strange for me having known [Williams] since she was 11 or 12 years old and being asked to play out a scene like that,' he told Esquire, 'that discomfort I had initially seemed to have been shared by quite a lot of people who have watched that episode, too.'

In hindsight, her relationship with Gendry had been set up since season three (‘I can be your family’ she says, ‘you wouldn’t be my family, you’d be “my lady” Gendry replies) – and the sex scene itself was predated by lingering (if not slightly creepy) stares between the two. So why was it so shocking?

For most, the reason given is Arya’s age. In the hours after the episode aired, Google searches for 'how old is Arya in season 8?' spiked, with many confused by how her age differs in the books versus TV. What was the result? While Arya states she is age 11 in the first TV series, and so would be 18 in the most recent series, her age in the books grows little beyond 9. However, Age is played with very loosely on the TV show, and it's been confirmed she is in fact 18 in season eight. She has essentially grown up before our eyes – just without any reference to her going through puberty (or the emotional turmoil that comes with it), as many have pointed out.

Maybe this is why so many people have expressed their distress at seeing Arya have sex – but, in fairness, she's had quite a few other things to worry about than getting her period. Dempsie himself has stated that the scene forced many people to confront their own hypocrisy when it comes to discovering our sexual nature.

'That’s something that happens to us all—we all start off young and then the majority of us start having sex and we’re all perfectly capable to finding that journey out for ourselves,' he said. 'But we still find it difficult to watch someone else take that journey, say, on a TV screen.'

It's true that here in the UK we still place a lot of stigma and shame around sex, but given that most people have sex for the first time between the ages of 16-18, surely there must be another, underlying reason as to why so many felt uncomfortable with the scene?

Here's a theory. Throughout the entire series, Arya has shunned many of the norms of femininity. Her character has been written so as to mimic the male characters actions and she has often showed disdain for ever being considered a ‘lady’. As such, she seems to have never been considered a sexual being by some viewers. Now, the idea that a woman who doesn't appear classically feminine also desires sex is apparently quite repulsive to them.

Given the extent of problematic narratives throughout Game of Thrones, especially when it comes to sex, the fact that we’re shocked by one of the very few scenes that show a woman with sexual agency says a lot. Rape is not only used a throwaway storyline on the series, but it’s also the way in which two of the other female leads, Sansa and Daenerys, lost their virginity.

We have seen women bought and sold, beaten and abused, armies of mutilated slaves, many babies born through incest, hundreds of gruesome deaths, endless disrespectful references to ‘whores’, all that go without the level of shock and awe Arya's sex scene elicited. The show is notorious for its lack of racial diversity, only to be partially referenced in the latest episode eight seasons later, without question. The show is, as a whole, problematic, so in the grand scheme of things, Arya having sex, once, should hardly be a cause for such concern.

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Even focusing solely on Arya's character, we’ve seen her gouge people’s eyes out, bake men into pies, slit people’s throats and poison entire families – all to a chorus of YAAAS GIRL. Yet, when we see her demand sex, we’re shocked and appalled? Whether or not we’ve seen her get her period– which, let’s be honest, isn’t going to be high on her list of concerns when enacting her vengeful mission to kill everyone – she is clearly a woman by all counts. Had her character been male, would we react in the same way? Even if he shunned masculinity norms in the way she does femininity, it’s highly unlikely we would rid him of any sexual desires in the same scenario.

The only uncomfortable thing about the Arya sex scene is that it feeds into Game of Thrones' blatantly performative feminism. Showing strong female leaders, young girls wanting to fight alongside boys and women having sexual agency is a long time coming on the show – but the idea that all of these male characters suddenly respect women, as if institutional sexism has been successfully ridden because a few token women are in positions of power, is quite fanciful.

There's plenty to feel weird – or uncomfortable – about while watching Game of Thrones. Arya Stark becoming sexually active should be last on the list.