We are potentially living through the nadir of modern dating. App users are dissatisfied, people are getting ghosted without explanation and Keir Starmer is rumoured to be planning a ban on smoking in pub gardens, thus eradicating one of society’s few remaining locations for a meet cute. It’s rough out there. And if it’s any consolation, celebrities are feeling it too.
The E4 show which sees celebrities join a dating agency to improve their skills and be matched with a ‘normal’ person, Celebs Go Dating, is currently in its 13th series. One of the show’s dating experts, Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, who stars alongside Paul Carrick Brunson and Anna Williamson, tells Grazia that the stars have more in common with the rest of us than you might think.
‘The unfortunate part of all the celebs’ dating styles was that they hadn’t really developed a strong sense of self-esteem, self-confidence or self-concept. A lot of them don’t know who they are,’ Dr Tara admits. The celebrities in question are Made in Chelsea star Tristan Phipps, Gogglebox favourite Stephen Webb, singer Jamelia, MAFS star Ella Morgan, two-time Love Islander Chris Taylor and ex-Coronation Street actress Helen Flanagan.
While each celebrity has their own set of dating woes – ranging from being newly divorced to being unable to get through a conversation without making a sexual innuendo – Dr Tara says there is a lot to learn from them on the show.
‘With Ella, she comes off really confident but there are moments when you see she’s struggling. Jamelia also has work to do to understand that she’s used to being someone who gives all the time. For her, it was about learning to trust people and building a sense of being ok with not being in charge. Chris and Tristan were almost opposites. Can Chris be a little bit more serious and have deeper conversations? And can Tristan be a bit more multi-dimensional? How can he be the gentleman, but also silly and playful?’
‘It’s so fascinating because all of these people are on TV,’ the dating expert laughs. ‘You’d think their confidence is in top shape, but not when it comes to dating.’
For anyone navigating the dating scene, particularly those in the public eye, it can be daunting to open yourself up and be vulnerable with a new person. What, then, is Dr Tara’s advice when it comes to being yourself when you first start seeing someone. And how do you stay resilient and open-minded if you’ve been hurt in the past?
‘We should take the metaphor of peeling the onions here. On the very first date, there is a lot of information gathering about what’s important to them, what their values are, what their goals are, do they love their jobs, what do they do for fun,’ Dr Tara suggests. ‘Then on the second or third date, dig deeper. What are their goals in three years? How do they view marriage? What about children? It’s very common to talk about these things on your second or third date, especially people who are serious about dating.’
As someone whose job is to watch and appraise dates and to offer constructive feedback, the Celebs Go Dating star has three telltale signs that it's going well. ‘One, if there is a lot of laughter that’s mutual. Not just one person laughing at the other person. Two, when communication is reciprocal. It’s important that communication is 50/50; it’s called the rule of reciprocity. Whether it’s a romantic date, a friendship date or a work date, if there’s a lot of reciprocity then it means it’s going well.
‘Lastly, if you leave the date feeling full rather than empty. We want to date people where it feels like a fountain not a drain. When you leave the date, check in with your body. Think about whether you feel good and full and happy. If you feel like it was terrible or you’re tired, then it’s probably your body saying it’s not right for you.’
And if it’s going terribly, Dr Tara has some suggestions for that scenario too. ‘I think it’s justifiable to walk out on a date as long as you give a piece of closure. For example, you could say, “I feel like I’ve been disrespected this whole time and I do not want to be here to continue this date so I’m going to leave. Thank you for your time.” It’s okay to leave if there’s zero connection.’
When it comes to ghosting, the modern phenomenon that sees people suddenly cut off all communication with the person their dating as a way of ending the relationship, it’s a hard no from the experts. ‘It’s best to send that one text, just to give proper closure. Like, “Hey, thanks for the time last night, this is not going to work. Best of luck.” It can be as dry as that.’
She adds, ‘That alone really elevates who you are as a person and the ability to give closure to people, even for the people who you have zero connection with. I have to say, celebs are really not good at giving closure. Some of the celebs are ghosters, serial ghosters, and we correct them every time.’
Perhaps the power dynamic and lack of respect intrinsic to ghosting is more common when celebrities date ordinary people, given that they might feel superior in some way. ‘It’s almost the opposite,’ Dr Tara jumps in. ‘They are afraid of people not liking them, so they don’t want to confront people with negative news. They have a fear of being disliked but ghosting always makes things worse.’
All hope is not lost, however. This series of Celebs Go Dating features plenty of people whose hearts are in the right place. ‘This is a successful series,’ she beams. ‘We have some matches, you’ll see at the end. It’s great to have people in relationships. I just really hope the people who developed a relationship on the show stay together!’
Celebs Go Dating is on E4 at 9pm on Monday - Thursday until 19 September.
Previous episodes are available to stream now on Channel 4.
Nikki Peach is a writer at Grazia UK, covering TV, celebrity interviews, news and features.