In theory, being a wedding photographer sounds like quite a nice gig. You’re surrounded by love and flowers, you might get some free cake, and you’re usually in a beautiful location.
But Brighton-based wedding photographer Kim Williams has gone viral after sharing some of the shocking things male guests, vicars, DJs, photographers, venue owners and suppliers did to her over the last year while she was trying to work. These included grabbing her by the neck on the dance floor and repeatedly touching her without her consent.
‘I know my clients will be mortified to know any of these happened at their weddings, which is why I’ve never spoken about this on Instagram before,’ Williams wrote in her caption. ‘I take great care in making sure you would never know it’s happened. But I feel it’s a conversation that needs to be started.
‘Working a job that requires you to be around large groups of cis-het men and alcohol means that this kinda stuff happens at about 80 per cent of the weddings I shoot,’ she continued. ‘I am friendly, smiley, approachable, chatty, and I get stuck into a dance floor. This is not an invitation for any of the above.’
‘Last year I had Tom or Victor with me for around 25 weddings (my video shooters),’ Williams added. ‘The men who were patronising to me, touched me, mansplained etc never did the same to them. Tom in particular witnessed a lot of the behaviour I have to experience and had his mind blown somewhat as to how aggressive it can get.
‘He asked me after one wedding in particular,’ she remembered. ‘I was grabbed around the neck on the dance floor after two guys had been increasingly harassing me all day, I ran outside, breathed through a panic attack, returning to shoot the rest of the night five mins later with a smile on my face and no one any the wiser…what can I do?’
‘I went away and spoke to my girlfriends, my non-binary pals, and decided it's not our problem to fix,' Williams said. ‘Men: go away and talk to each other. Share this post with them. Call it out when you see it. Ask the women and non-binary people in your life what their experiences of this are. Listen. Engage actively. It’s not enough for you to be ‘one of the nice guys.’ If you aren’t actively helping to solve the problem then you are a part of it,’ she concluded.
Williams’ post has received thousands of likes and shares and other female photographers have started sharing their own stories of harassment at work on the app.
In order to prevent these kinds of incidents in the future, Williams has also shared a ‘How To Keep Us Safe’ post on Instagram with the tag #handsoffwedding. She advised couples to designate a guest to be a ‘safe space supplier’ to go to if they’re feeling unsafe, to let their attendees know that they have a zero-tolerance policy for harassment and to make both things clear on the wedding website or invitation.
The photographer also told suppliers they should include a clause in their contracts that states they have no tolerance for harassment and that they will leave a wedding if they feel unsafe. ‘If you are a male supplier working with women/trans/femme/non-binary people on the day, introduce yourself to them as someone who will look out for them and have their back,’ Williams added.
Meanwhile, she recommended men introduce themselves as an ally, engage with people that they suspect might behaviour inappropriately and remind them they would be removed from the wedding if necessary.
‘I am overwhelmed but not surprised by the amount of people my last grid post has resonated with,’ Williams told her followers. ‘The fact is that literally thousands of us experience these micro and macro aggressions every single day, and that just because it’s the “happiest day of someone else’s life” does not stop the abuse.’
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