I didn’t really date much before apps like Tinder. I didn’t have a girlfriend when I was growing up – and I’ve only ever had one serious long-term relationship, in my late twenties. That ended seven years ago. I was never the kind of guy to approach a woman randomly in a bar. I didn’t want to be creepy or cocky. Then dating apps came along when I was about 31 – I was at a dinner party when someone told me about Tinder. I suddenly realised that it got rid of that difficult thing of approaching somebody. So I’ve been dating quite a lot since 2013.
No relationship since has lasted longer than three months. I’m an expert at the first three months; long-term relationships not so much. I’ve been on a lot of dates but I actually don’t know how many – I should keep a spreadsheet. I know that I’ve matched with around 1,000 women on Tinder over six years and another 1,000 on Happn. I probably end up speaking to around 10% of the women I match with. Using the apps is a numbers game and I’ve got better at looking for clues from women’s photos and the way they present themselves. At the beginning, I’d meet people and think, you’re not the person I thought you were. Now, I probably have better instincts. Most of the time, a date ends with a kiss at least.
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I last had sex a few weeks ago. We met on Happn and the connection was definitely there. We went on a first date, went back to mine and had sex – and it was great. We went on a few more dates over a period of a month or so, and the last time we went on a date we ended up at mine. We’d slept with each other seven or eight times by this stage but, you know, it was still early days. We’d had some ramen and I wasn't feeling very well; I wasn’t in the mood to have sex. After a few minutes of kissing on my bed, she sat up and said, ‘You don’t want to have sex, do you?’ I said I wasn’t feeling well enough. We got into an argument – she started saying I was acting like a woman.
It was such an awkward feeling. We were just lying there – and then we ended up having sex. Part of me was thinking that it was the only way out of the situation, but also I was turned on at that point, which is a bit weird. The next morning we got up and went to work and broke up over text later that day. So that was that. I’m certainly not saying that men have it as tough as women – I’m absolutely not saying that – but when I go on Tinder dates, I do sometimes feel pressured into having sex.
I’m back on Tinder now but I’m not sure that I have a goal. I’m open to anything really: one-night stands, a short-lived affair, a long- term relationship. Growing up, I assumed I would get married and have kids, but I’ve realised I don’t need that. If it happens, great – but if not, I’ll still have a nice life, I’m sure.
If you’d like to talk to us about your last time – be it funny, uplifting, surprising or mundane – contact us at thelastime@graziamagazine.co.uk