Olivia Attwood weighs in on some of the most common dilemmas faced by modern women – from kids at weddings to dodgy partners and overfamiliar mothers-in-law. This week, the TV personality, podcaster and Bad Boyfriends host offers her advice on what to do if someone wants to bring their kids to your child-free wedding.
Someone wants to bring their kids to your child-free wedding. Are they being unreasonable? What are you meant to say to them? And what do you do if they show up with the kids anyway?
Absolutely, sorry. They are being unreasonable. I haven’t got kids so people might say that I don’t understand this, but I think anyone who throws any kind of event, whether it’s a birthday, a wedding or anything in between, and you go to the trouble of making invitations and there are limitations on those invitations i.e. dress code, kids, no kids, animals, whatever, it is the polite and socially acceptable thing to do to adhere to those requests.
If they can’t adhere to them for some reason, then they don’t attend. I know that sounds really militant, but I feel quite strongly about this. If you’re asking someone to come to your event and you have said you don’t want children there for whatever reason, and they don’t want to be away from their child for five or six hours, then they have to decline the invitation.
I think they’re within their rights to come back and say, ‘I can’t get a sitter, I don’t want to leave my child, would you make an exception?’ I mean, even that’s a bit rude in my opinion, but if they feel like they’re close enough with you, then they could try that otherwise it’s a no from me.
If someone asks and it’s something you feel strongly about, stick to your guns. For me, if someone had called and said that before my wedding, I would have felt like it was opening a can of worms. I can’t say to one person, ‘If you can’t get a sitter, don’t worry, bring them’, because that’s not fair on the rest of the people who might have wanted to bring their kids.
For mine and Brad’s wedding, we actually spoke to our friends with kids in the weeks leading up to it and said, ‘How do you feel about the no kids thing? Is it insulting?’ and they were like, ‘Liv, it is the best f*cking thing not to bring the kids because we have an actual reason to have a child-free night and day. Whereas when people say bring the kids, we sort of have to bring the kids and we can’t properly relax or have a drink or take our eyes off them for two minutes.’ They were all thrilled that it was an adult-only event. And my wedding wouldn’t have been suitable for children. Most of the speeches had profanities in them – I was so grateful there weren’t any kids there! It’s also not that safe if everyone is drinking alcohol and getting rowdy. And it’s not fun for the kids either.
Obviously, some people get around it with creches and shared nannies and things like that. I think that’s a great thing to do and I know people who have done it. I’ve been to weddings with friends who have kids and there are companies that can set up an area at the wedding. It means parents can actually relax and enjoy the day and their kids are accounted for. At those kinds of weddings, you don’t even see the kids because they’re in the play pen, so if you can afford to do that then it’s a really good option.
Now, if you’ve said no kids and someone shows up with their kids anyway, I mean… that is just the most horrendous thought. If anyone could be that obnoxious, if I’m honest that’s when paying for an event planner would come in really handy, because I would let someone else be the bad guy! I’d say 'At least no kids in the ceremony.' I’ve been to weddings where kids have cried and screamed through the whole ceremony and you can’t even hear what they’re saying, so for me that was my biggest thing. And I’d ask someone else to reiterate that it’s a child-free event. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would just bring their kids along without asking. They’d at least drop a message first, surely? And say, ‘Our sitter has cancelled what do you want us to do, bring them, or not come?’.
Remember: it’s your wedding day and you’re never going to get it back! Try to delegate tasks wherever possible.
Want more advice from me? Listen to my podcast So Wrong It's Right.