‘My Grandma Hired A Private Investigator On Her Husband’: The Extreme Lengths Women Had To For Divorce Before No-Fault Was Backed

As MPs finally approve the no-fault divorce bill, Georgia Aspinall speaks to women about the relentless frustration of proving fault for divorce.

Woman

by Georgia Aspinall |
Updated on

A bill that will introduce no-fault divorces in England and Wales has been backed by MPs today after years of campaigning by family lawyers. The previous outdated system meant that couples were being forced into ‘unnecessary legal battles’ during an already trying time.

Under the new proposed law, couples will only have to state that a marriage has broken down irretrievably to obtain a divorce, as well as making it impossible for spouses to contest divorce. Previously, there were five grounds for divorce – three of which required place to be blamed – including adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, living apart for at least two years and living apart for at least five years.

‘The new bill will replace the five facts with a requirement to provide a statement of irretrievable breakdown,’ explained Emma Davies, partner in the divorce and separation team at Nelsons law firm. ‘An aggrieved spouse will no longer be able to contest the decision of their spouse to divorce, and the court will be able to make a conditional order after a 20-week ‘reflection’ period has passed. The bill could introduce the concept of a joint application being made by both spouses for a divorce along with a minimum timeframe of six months.’

‘A change in divorce law has been long-awaited by many family lawyers who consider the current laws to be outdated, simply increasing animosity and acrimony in already difficult circumstances,’ Davies continued. ‘In this day and age, it’s unfair that a couple are forced to stay together even if they have tried to make their marriage work but have been unsuccessful.’

It’s certainly true that couples were forced into unnecessary arguments, at least according to women we spoke to about their experience of divorce prior to the new bill being backed. In fact, for some women, it dragged the process out for years.

‘Me and my first husband disagreed about the reasons for divorce, I wanted to cite adultery on his part but he always denied it and I didn’t have solid proof you could give to a court,’ says Lily Ryan, 55 from Liverpool. ‘We ended up looking at unreasonable behaviour but I was thinking, “What’s unreasonable?”

‘Is the fact we’d had sex once in five years unreasonable? It was really difficult,’ Lily continued. ‘And I’m sure my ex-husband could have cited the same reason for me given I’d changed so much since we first got married. In the end, I was able to cite a three-year separation because it took that long for bailiffs to be able to serve him with divorce papers as he kept changing address.’

The same goes for almost all of our grandparents that got divorced, it seems, with Emma*, 36 from Essex, telling Grazia her grandmother had to wait five years before she was eligible for divorce because her husband had contested her petition.

‘I remember her telling me it was the most draining and frustrating experience,’ she says. ‘She just wanted to move on with her life but for five whole years she had this legal tie hanging over her head.’

For Laura, 35 from London, her great grandmother had to go to even more extreme measures.

'She knew her husband was cheating on her and needed proof before she was able to get a divorce. This was in the 1930s so women had only been able to file for a divorce for about ten years, and adultery was the only acceptable reason. She hired someone to follow my great grandfather and get pictures of him in bed with the other woman. Everyone was putting pressure on her stay and put up with it, and she came out of the marriage with basically nothing - but she was an incredibly forceful character who was determined to get her divorce - I'm not sure many women would have been able to.'

Honestly, if you ever need proof of the necessity of the new bill, just ask your parent or grandparent how their divorce went.

Read More:

Fault-Based Divorce Law Is Forcing Couples Into Pointless Court Battles

Things You Only Know If You’re Divorced Before 30

Is This Proof That Your Marriage Is Built To Last?

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