In the past eight weeks, one of the very few silver linings of the entire UK being largely confined to their homes has been the coming together of neighbours. People that used to avoid your eyes on the stairway may now crack a smile; neighbours that awkwardly shuffled inside when your head appeared in the garden are standing, drink in hand, eagerly waiting for a chat.
With the rise in people seeking those within a safe distance to socialise has of course come the rise in the use of technology that facilitates that. Enter Nextdoor, the app that connects you to people within your neighbourhood.
The premise is excellent and has been a lifesaver in helping vulnerable people battle lockdown, but one hilarious outcome has also been absolutely ludicrous, hysterical posts.
Take this one, for example, in the lustrous area of Upper Holloway in London, where one neighbour actually wanted to report bigamy. Yes, really. ‘Can someone tell me how to go about reporting Bigamy?’ the post read. ‘I have tried 101 but no lock they said it’s a civil law [issue].’
There’s the kinda strange but sweet ones, of course, like someone asking where they can find a goldfish right now and another who will never leave a bird behind. ‘Baby bird HELP!’ the post in Westbourne Grove in west London reads. ‘I have found a baby blackbird. It is young but has feathers. Was on street. No parent around. Due to dogs I have picked it up in my hoodie. I have three cats so can't keep it. Could anyone help? RSPCA won’t help. I have no car!’
But you’re never far from someone scandalised by local goings-on. ‘Naked sunbathers,’ another headline from Westbourne Grove reads. ‘I am now working from home and have found in recent days that the background to my conference calls has been invaded by naked sunbathers on their roof. As I’m on the top floor and it’s my only window I’m struggling to find the funny side anymore as it’s all day every day!
‘Has anyone got any advice on how to navigate the situation that doesn’t involve me shutting my blinds during sunlight hours?’ the person desperately asks.
Then, there are the downright terrifying ones that make genuinely make you question moving house. ‘5G,’ the headline of a post read in Hampstead, accompanied by a link to ActionAgasint5G – a petition challenging the UK government on ‘failure to take notice of the health risks and public concern related to 5G'.
Perhaps we had it right the first time, when our entire communication with neighbours was banging on the wall to tell them to be quiet…
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