What do Princes Harry and William, the Beckhams, and Molly-Mae Hague all have in common? No, it’s not that they’re all royalty in their own right – their Kingdoms being Britain, Hollywood, and Instagram respectively. It’s that they’re all seemingly in the midst of family fallouts that appear to have been sparked by the arrival of a new partner.
‘I feel like you hate me,’ Zoe Hague told Molly-Mae in the latter’s docuseries, Molly Mae: Behind It All. The tense scene saw the Hague sisters arguing because Molly hadn’t told Zoe she had kissed her then-former partner, Tommy Fury, on New Year’s Eve after the news was leaked by The Sun. Molly and Fury have since confirmed they’re back together following a shock split last August.
Similarly, the Beckhams are said to be in turmoil after Brooklyn and his wife, the American heiress Nicola Peltz, ‘snubbed’ David’s 50th birthday celebrations earlier this month. Meanwhile, Princes William and Harry are no closer to making peace. During his recent interview with the BBC, Prince Harry claimed his failed legal bid for the government to provide the Sussexes with round-the-clock security while in the UK had permanently damaged his relationship with his father and brother.
Whatever comes of these alleged family feuds, they all have one very relatable thing in common: they all seemed to have stemmed from family dynamics shifting after the presence of a new partner. Evidently, fame and fortune cannot save you from the messiness of in-law in-fighting.
The emotional toll of arguing with a sibling over their relationship is something many of us can relate to. In fact, Molly-Mae put it best in her docuseries. ‘I don’t hate you,’ she told her sister Zoe. ‘I feel awkward with you because I know how you feel about [Fury] because you’re protective of me and you’re quite strong with your feelings.’ Later in the episode she admitted she felt she’d ‘lost [her] right arm’ when the fallout led to the sisters not speaking for weeks.
Watching the scene felt uncomfortably familiar. I’ve sat with my own sister while she’s cried over the same man a hundred times; helped her draft essay-long text messages to boyfriends about how she deserves better; clapped as she screamed down the phone to one while proclaiming she’s ‘finally done’. And then I’ve sat there again the next weekend, and the next, and the next. Truly, no one lives closer to Groundhog Day than a woman in a terrible relationship.
‘I’m realising the ups and downs of my relationship with Tommy are actually harder on the people around me,’ Molly admits in one scene. And she’s right. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve wanted to shake my sister awake to the reality of whatever broken relationship she was in. In at least two of hers, and one of mine, we’ve had periods where we’ve mutually agreed not to talk about each other’s partners because it would always end in an argument.
My epiphany came a few years ago, when I found my sister crying in a half-empty café on her birthday because, once again, the man she loved had let her down. It had been months since we’d discussed him - one of those periods where I’d made it known I’d lost patience for her routine forgiveness – and more than anything he’d done, that was why she was crying.
I was resentful about all the advice I'd offered that she had then ignored.
‘I just feel so isolated,’ she told me through tears. ‘Everyone is so sick of me talking about him, I have no one.’ It dawned on me how selfish I was being. I’d been so emotionally invested in her happiness that I’d started to let it affect my own, and I’d make that clear every time I urged her to break up with him, or rolled my eyes when she gave him another chance. I was resentful about all the advice I’d offered, that she had then ignored, and felt frustrated that she couldn’t see how worthy she was. But more than anything, I was angry that this man was driving a wedge between us.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I told her. ‘I promise you can tell me anything, good or bad, and I won’t judge.’ It wasn’t quite the truth, I definitely did still judge, but in that moment, I learned than truly being there for my sister meant not inserting my own emotions into her problems. Of course, you can never entirely uninvest emotionally when it comes to your sibling’s choice of partner – but you can try to detach a little. The ’We listen, and we don’t judge’ TikTok trend comes to mind: listen, validate, and maybe ask the odd subtle question or two to steer them towards the light.
Having some emotional distance when it comes to our romantic relationships, has saved mine and my sister’s sibling relationship on more than one occasion. We feel closer than ever now, even when we both secretly know the other hates our partner. So, hang in there Molly and Zoe. If you’re anything like my sister and I, it’ll only take ten more breakups before you figure all this out!