9 Ways Lockdown Has Changed Our Love Lives

Virtual birthday parties, a Zoom Christmas and now… virtual Valentines. Yes, it’s come to this. Almost one year since the pandemic took over our existence, lockdown is still making our love lives hell.

For some, it’s forced relationships to be too much too soon, with couples bubbling up together after a mere few weeks and crumbling just as quickly. Singles craving affection and intimacy have been left lonely for a year, even marriages have fallen apart. But has it all been all bad?

We spoke to Philippa Found, creator of Lockdown Love Stories, an online art project where people anonymously submit their real-life experiences of love in lockdown. As overseer of our love lives this year, she’s bore witness to everything, from our deepest desires to our most harrowing heartbreak. What has she learned about love in lockdown? Well, here’s what the 700+ stories she shared taught her…

We actually made time for love

Without the usual distractions of our social lives, and in many cases, work, attention was thrown onto our relationships: in long term relationships strengths and cracks were revealed. For single people looking to date, there was now a new context: everyone had extra time on their hands. Stuck at home, with social lives on hold, boredom combined with the desire for excitement and human connection, drove many to apps. On 29th March 20210 Tinder recorded a record number of over 3 billion swipes. But online wasn’t the only place to meet, I’ve had lots of stories of neighbours getting together, colleagues separated by wfh confessing long-held feelings, and even a woman meeting the love of her life while walking her dog at the local park.

More talk, less touch

Gone was the culture of immediate gratification in dating: the swipe right, hook up, move on cycle. Now no one could meet up, the dating timeline was protracted. ‘Dating ’became mental, not physical. Intense bonds and a sense of familiarity were formed between people who had never met. This was a new old-fashioned way of dating. Like wartime romance.

Dating got inventive

Without the date staple of restaurants and bars, dating had to get creative. IRL dating was replaced by video calls, watching films together on Houseparty, Zoom online quizzes, dates on driveways through windows of separate cars, recreating Glastonbury in the front room, a trip to New York via scenes projected from Google maps…oh, and phone sex.

Turbo relationships became the norm

Given the choice of quarantining together or not seeing each other for an unknown amount of time, in March many people in early relationships took the plunge to move in together. Relationships went into hyperdrive: the good and the bad was revealed but for the majority, this seemed to be a positive step. Not only were people locking down early on in relationships, but so were couples who had only ever met online during lockdown. Had corona killed commitment phobia?

Clarity was key

Without the usual distractions of our busy lives, we paused, we reflected and we worked out what we wanted… to find love, to leave a relationship, to break toxic patterns in situation-ships, to tell that person how we really feel, to tell that ex we still think of them…. In lockdown, people got brave. And acted.

Exes were no longer exes 'for a reason'

With the future so unknown it’s natural to look backwards. Many 20-somethings were forced to move back to their family homes and in a decidedly teenage vibe, we were grounded by the government. With time to reflect, we re-examined our pasts and then the BBC released its adaptation of Sally Rooney’s Normal People: many people began not just thinking about but reconnecting with their exes. Back in hometowns, we bumped into the one who got away. DM slides and honest conversations about past feelings later and serious relationships were rekindled. I’ve received stories of exes reconnecting after ten years, moving in together and getting pregnant over the three lockdowns, and a woman who decided to quarantine with her ex-husband in lockdown one, falling back in love, and are re-marrying this year.

Ghosting grew

After the intensity of lockdown one, could the online romance live up to it IRL? Sadly come the return of more ‘normal’ life when restrictions lifted in summer, some people weren’t always as committed as they’d seemed during lockdown: or as single as they’d claimed… enter the particularly toxic rise of ghosting in a pandemic.

Heartbreak got harder

Some breakups were positive, lockdown provided the necessary push and people emerged relieved and happy. On the other hand, for those ghosted or left hurt and confused by breakups the “getting over the ex-stage”, much like dating, has been protracted without the same distractions and availability of casual dating pick me ups.

We fell in love with ourselves

But for many who were single, or had walked away from toxic relationships, or had been hurt and left during lockdown, what lockdown proved was their personal resilience. With time people looked inwards, confronted their own ghosts, focused on self-care and what resulted was a raising of standards for the future and a commitment to self-love.

Click through to read more stories about love in lockdown...