These Lockdown Love Stories Prove Just How Much Our Dating Culture Has Changed

‘For Millennials and Gen-Z, the number of options available to us has always made commitment more elusive because there might be another great person round the corner, but lockdown is forcing people to make a commitment, and actually it’s worked out.'

Philippa Found, an artist and writer from London, is the curator of a collection of lockdown love stories sweeping London right now – aptly named ‘Lockdown Love Stories’. Her findings on commitment phobia being cured in lockdown are one of many takeaways she has learnt from collecting the dating stories from anonymous writers around London.

'The stories suggest our commitment phobia as a generation wasn’t warranted and taking the plunge has actually had a really incredible positive effect on relationships,' she tells Grazia.

It’s a project she started at the beginning of lockdown, having read about the increasing number of people dreaming of their ex on Grazia UK and becoming intrigued by the impact lockdown is having on dating and relationships. She decided to set up a web page where people could send in their anonymous stories, which she would publish completely unfiltered and unedited.

In fact, you’ve probably already seen the project in action if you’ve been to any park in London – Philippa publicised the website by scribbling the URL down in chalk all over different walkways. ‘I go out every evening and chalk around the parks for hours,’ she says. ‘As soon as I get sent the stories, I upload them to the site as they are.’

It’s the lack of editing that makes them so apt and accessible, she says. ‘It was a deliberate ethos of the project from the start,’ Philippa explains. ‘Because in order to keep these stories as genuine as possible and in the voices of these people, you can’t edit. So, if English isn't their first language, for example, and the syntax may be slightly wrong I just leave it because that’s their story, that’s their voice.

‘I felt like to edit them was a form of shaming them,’ she continues. ‘I really didn’t want to set a tone that you have to be a really great creative writer or have an MA in literature to submit. I just want it to people this is a safe space for everyone and completely inclusive.’

Shame is a big part of why Philippa started the project, noting that with lockdown inducing a lot of intense emotions in all of us, we need a safe space to talk about the different things we’re going through that are intensely emotional, just like love.

‘I was thinking about how lockdown is potentially very isolating but also the most isolating emotion that you can experience is shame,’ she explains. ‘When I saw the stats about people dreaming of their exes I thought, “So many people are going to be experiencing very intense emotions and feeling very uncomfortable with that.” In telling these stories I wanted to be able to show people that they weren’t alone in what they were going through and give them a space where they can share without shame.’

She’s certainly achieved that goal, with over 100 stories on the site right now and more submitted every day, Philippa has seen people share the darkest parts of themselves through her platform. Not only that, but as the site grows she’s also hosting reply stories – where the original posters partner shares their side – and has even seen people posting call-outs for people they connected with out and about that they didn’t have the courage to approach.

‘One of the most memorable stories I posted was called “F**k You Paul”’, Philippa recalls. ‘This woman had been seeing this guy for 10 months before lockdown and then when it happened he suddenly got super busy with work. He told her he was setting up the new emergency Covid-19 hospital at the Excel Centre. She didn’t hear from him for a month and was toeing the line between wanting to be a really supportive girlfriend about this noble job he’s doing but also feeling really worried that she wasn’t hearing from him at all. After a month of radio silence, he called and broke up with her. Turns out he was actually just seeing another girl.’

It’s stories like that that make Philippa - a self-confessed hopeless romantic -heartbroken, but there’s also stories of hope too. ‘Another I loved was about two women who met on TikTok,’ she says. ‘They had never met but they decided to quarantine together and now they’re living together, completely in love thanking God for TikTok.’

Of course there’s many more just like that, with Philippa noting that almost all of the stories she’s read of couples taking the plunge to quarantine together are overwhelmingly positive. That’s where her thoughts on commitment phobia come in, as does her idea that millennials are becoming more conscious in their relationship decisions.

‘I’m seeing a lot of self-reflection and an intensification of emotions,’ she says. ‘At the beginning I was seeing a lot of stories of loss and longing – a lot of people reaching out to exes or being frustrated by relationships being stalled because of lockdown – but then over the shift there’s been this appreciation coming through. Stories of falling back in love in long-term relationships or marriages, or appreciation for being single and feeling validated in their own self.

‘A lot of people are reassessing where they’re at in their relationships and what they want,’ Philippa continues. ‘I think there’s going to be a lot more conscious decision making going forward because people have actually had time to think about the type of relationship they want.’

‘I hope that self-awareness continues post-lockdown and we don’t go back to the old culture of swipe-fling-ditch, but only time will tell. That’s the beauty of the site because we’ll get to see that happening in real time and watch the culture shifts before our eyes.’

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