Eight Women Talk About Loneliness And Craving Touch During Lockdown

Coronavirus and the subsequent lockdown has totally changed the way we live - weddings have been cancelled, we're celebrating birthdays alone and we might have to wear facemasks just to leave the house. Grazia decided to look at the issues affecting women and the different ways we're responding. In this piece, eight women shared the various ways they're feeling lonely and - crucially - how much they're craving touch.

Louise is isolating alone: 'I miss the sexual touch - I think it’s the lack of the potential for it happening now that feels so hard.'

I famously don’t like hugs, but I am really yearning for someone to hug me now. I don’t know if it’s a psychological thing because I can’t have it. But I know that when I’m actually able to see my friends and family I’m going to give them the biggest hugs, and really enjoy it

I didn’t really have the option to move anywhere else to be with people pre-lockdown, which brings up all sorts of other emotions, and you think, 'Well, why didn’t anyone ask me to stay with them?' I could have gone back to my parents' but I was worried that I could make them sick and also the lack of space and being restricted to eating what they do. My mum is a feeder so I was scared I’d put lots of weight on. I think on the whole, I enjoy my own space.

I think the main thing is, I would like to meet someone - and that heightens it. I definitely miss the sexual touch - I don’t even have that physical side that often, but I think it’s the lack of the potential for it happening now that's so hard. I can see why people are sneaking around to meet each other because it is hard being on your own. I think I miss both but getting a hug from my friends or family feels a bit more achievable when this is over. I can’t imagine what it will be like to get to know men and be intimate with them again. It feels like everyone will be scared of making each other sick.

Gina is isolating with her parents: 'Random thoughts about my exes pop into my head.'

It's weird but I keep thinking about my exes. I’m not sure why, but I think it’s most probably because I have no real male attention in lockdown that’s not virtual - and a text doesn’t mean a lot to me really. Although I would never want to get back with any of them, random thoughts pop into my head sometimes… Like first kisses or the first time we had sex.

It surprises me and worries me a little, considering my last relationship was over three years ago… It makes you question why you’re thinking about it. It’s most likely because I’ve got more time on my hands and I’m alone with my thoughts, and I’m missing touch. I’d never want to dig up the past and go back there... or give them the satisfaction of knowing I’m thinking of them.

I'm eager to date as soon as this ends, but thinking about my exes recently has reminded me, when that time comes, to date wisely and not make the same mistakes as before.

Joanna is isolating with her fiance: 'I feel a sad longing to hug my parents.'

I know it makes me sound like a five-year-old, but I’m starting to really miss hugging my parents. It’s weird because I’d never feel that in normal times when we don’t see each other for a few months. But whenever we Zoom, I feel a sad longing to hug them now. I think it’s because of the constant niggling anxiety we all have in the back of our minds that they will get ill during this crisis.

Zoe is isolating with her husband: 'I’ll see all my friends and we’ll hug each other and scoop up all the babies and kids.'

The other day I was out for my government-mandated spot of exercise when I lay down in the grass in the park – sorry, I know that’s against the rules. And while I was there, I saw this little toddler coming towards me, unsteady on his feet. And I wanted to go and scoop him up so badly! It was a really strong physical yearning. He wasn’t mine, I didn’t know him – and it was a fairly nuts impulse, but it made me realise how much I was missing the touch of kids. My husband and I don’t have kids – we are trying and that’s a whole other story – but I usually see a lot of friends and relatives’ kids. And I really miss them. Their squishy cheeks and their little hands. I keep thinking of a picnic, sometime in the future when I’ll see all my friends and we’ll hug each other and scoop up all the babies and kids. I never thought I’d miss platonic touch like this – I’m not a big hugger generally – but I really do!

Francesca is isolating alone: ' When I finally see my crush I'm excited to give him a hug.'

I was just thinking this morning that I am such a tactile person and I haven’t had a hug in WEEKS. I really miss it. I am currently chatting several times a day to someone I have had a crush on, which is obviously very exciting (and frustrating) but when I finally see him I am more excited about having a hug than anything else. Perhaps not sexy, but much needed!

Lucy is isolating alone: 'I find myself dreaming about that first get-together with friends'

I wouldn't consider myself a touchy-feely person; in fact I barely hug friends and family. Being in self-isolation alone for three weeks I've been surprised at how much I'm missing simple things, like speaking to someone face-to-face or the feeling of being held in someone's arms. I'll definitely be doubling my hug time when things return to normal, or as near to normal as they'll ever be.

I'm definitely afraid to go outside for long periods of time now – I live in an area of London where the streets still have a fair few people walking around and supermarkets are pretty busy. So I'd wait quite a while after lockdown was lifted before seeing family and friends, and would keep hand sanitiser close by, but I do find myself dreaming about that first get-together with friends once we can all gather again.

While I miss physical contact, I am so grateful that I have my own space. I'm a huge introvert in a small space and would be incredibly agitated if I had to share the space with a significant other or family member. I used to stay home most Friday nights anyway, so it's nice not to have the FOMO of seeing other people going out while I'm home with nothing to do. I hate to be one of those annoying people on Instagram who is getting loads done, but I've been more productive than ever during this lockdown. I've been able to get on top of tasks I've been meaning to do for ages, have been able to eat home cooked meals and take care of myself better, I just wish I could safely have someone round for dinner and drinks once in a while.

Jasmine is isolating with her mum and brother: 'I spray my boyfriend's aftershave on a stuffed toy.'

I’m not going out to the shops because I’m higher risk so I have some friends doing some shopping for essentials for me and dropping the bag outside my house – I’m missing being able to give them a hug. I didn’t realise how difficult it is to say goodbye to someone I care about without giving them a quick hug to ‘seal in’ the visit – a friendly, slightly awkward wave through a window isn’t quite having the same effect.

I’m missing the warmth and smell of burying my head in my boyfriend’s chest when I need some comfort, which I seem to need a lot right now during this scary and uncertain time. On FaceTime last night we were speaking about what we both missed most and - aside from some other less PG things - we both agreed that simply sitting on the sofa, cuddled up and chatting together is top of the list. Something I’ve found so helpful for this is spraying a soft, warm stuffed toy with his aftershave, as lame as that sounds.

Surprisingly, I’m even missing the hustle and bustle of strangers bumping into me. I miss not being afraid and wary of other people’s proximity. When this is all over, I’m never going to roll my eyes at a tourist bumping into me again… or at least for the first week, anyway.

Jessica is isolating with her husband and son: 'I took hugging my friends for granted.'

I’m so lucky to be with my family, so I feel so stupid saying I’m missing contact. I know it’s selfish, but I am craving my friends, and lots of us have started talking about it now. I’d taken hugging them totally for granted. I mean of course - who would've expected, outside of a really rubbish teen dystopian novel, there’d be a world where you can only stand six feet from your friends?

I can literally imagine feeling all their different ways of hugging: the big solid squeezers, the back-tappers, the ‘I don’t like this, but seeing as it’s you’ types. That kind of squelchy warm hug when you’ve been boozing all day, their out-out perfumes mixed in with grapey booze. Two of my best friends have had babies in lockdown and I'd love to cuddle their babies, but also them.

We’ve all started fantasising about the most amazing nights out we’re going to have together, weekends away or holidays, but I think it’ll just be peoples’ presence that we’ll all revel in.

READ MORE: How Coronavirus Is Changing The Wa We Live