In her new memoir, Reflections,Holly Willoughby has said that she waters down her personality, making herself appear ‘blander’ on purpose so that she can avoid being trolled. Writing in her book, Willoughby implies she is not always being herself when she presents This Morning, or during other television appearances. She suggests this is because she’s afraid of being attacked online.
The This Morning presenter says she ‘waters down’ her opinions, adhering to the perception she knows audiences have of her, and even her personality sometimes when she feels the potential backlash isn't worth it. "To fit in with other people's expectations of me, I have ended up simplifying myself and swallowing my voice so that I stay in the pigeonhole I'm expected to sit in.’
"I err on the side of caution because I want to go home and be a mum and focus on other things in my life.
I used to share Holly’s fear of expressing myself, believing I couldn't be political or even a little opinionated or colourful, for fear of coming across ‘a bit much’
‘A bit much’ is a description of myself I’ve unfortunately become accustomed to. As a loud tattooed woman with a tendency to share her opinions and a personality closely resembling a golden retriever, I’m often told I’m ‘brash’. While no one has directly told me I’m too much, it’s been heavily implied or whispered to mutual friends. And it’s always, always, coming from a man.
I’m not hurt by the suggestion that I’m too much. I used to be. I’d lie in bed thinking of all the times it’s been suggested that I’m difficult, that I should be quiet. But now, as blunt as it sounds, I view it as the weak pointing themselves out. I know that usually, men who are bothered by bold women are jarred because they feel entitled to the space I’m filling up. So, I carry on.
But I’m not filmed every single morning for hours starting at 6 am, for the whole world to see. My life and opinions are regularly subjected to the public’s opinion. Holly Willoughby isn’t granted the privacy or anonymity of being a non-famous person. So, is she right to water herself down?
Whether it’s too opinionated, too direct, too sexy, too chubby, too emotional or too much, women are constantly being told too much of something. And while men appear to be pretty much invincible to ‘being cancelled’, women are not afforded the same room for error, or even manoeuvre.
In 2017, Amnesty International shared a report on the impact online abuse - including everything from trolling to verbal abuse to threats - has on women. Over three quarters (76%) of women who said that they had experienced abuse or harassment on a social media platform made changes to the way they use the platforms - filtering and diluting their true personalities just as Willoughby does. Meanwhile, 32% of women said they’d stopped posting content that expressed their opinion on certain issues.
‘Social media has helped enhance freedom of expression, including access to information in many ways. But as offline discrimination and violence against women have migrated into the digital world, many women are stepping back from public conversations, or self-censoring out of fear for their privacy or safety,’ said blogger Azmina Dhrodia, contributing to the report.
With this in mind, I understand Willoughby’s hesitancy to be her true self. Most women can relate to her need to ‘water herself down’ - it’s a protective measure. But why should these defence mechanisms be necessary, especially in 2021?
Speaking on Heart Radio, Willoughby added: 'The last few years I've kind of been looking inward a little bit. And I sort of got to this stage in life where I was like "I've got a really lovely life, I love my husband, I fancy my husband. I've got great kids. I'm very blessed in many, many ways, but something is missing.’
'And I couldn't work out what it was, and eventually having looked inwardly, I sort of went ‘God, it’s me! I'm missing!’ I don’t know who I am, I don't even know what music I like, I don't know what my tastes are anymore.’ Therein lies the cost of women being quieter for others, of watering themselves down out of fear. They lose themselves. So, isn’t it time we give women a break, let them speak up, and try not to jump down their throats if we don’t like the words that come out?