Date Diaries is an online Grazia series chronicling the anonymous adventures of those involved in the ever complicated and increasingly unbelievable world of modern dating. To submit your story, fill out the form below.
This week, Justina, a 21-year-old heterosexual Instagram influencer who was put off group dates for life...
In case you ever needed another reason to not go on a date with your friends in tow, I have the one for you. And now that I’m three years into dating the love of my life, I think the statute of limitations on this particular bad date is up – hopefully I’m safe to spill the story without him retaliating on social media.
I met this guy, let’s call him Brian, at my local fast food restaurant where he worked. He was tall, he had pretty eyes, and he could get me a discount on fries. Winner.
He wanted to hang out, and I was game, but him being a total stranger obviously gave me reservations. Mama didn't raise no fool, so instead of arranging a formal date, I decided to invite him along to a summer picnic with some friends.
On the day of the date, I wasn't feeling too nervous - after all, I'd have plenty of buffers if it got awkward. But little did I know, my friends weren't going to be able to save this awful date.
We'd arranged to meet at the park at 3pm, and I told Leland to get there before 3.30 so I had time to settle my nerves. He was late, and in my eyes that's strike one - tardiness is a big pet peeve of mine.
Of course, I didn't want to write him off just like that, after all I was trying to be the 'cool girl'. So we went about the picnic making classic 'getting to know you' chatter. Unfortunately, it was clear after about 10 minutes that the initial physical attraction that drew me to him didn't translate into an intellectual one.
Our conversation was awkward, dull and incredibly forced. My friends were helpful in quelling the uncomfortable silences that came after every other question, but they couldn't hide the obvious: there was no spark between me and this man.
An hour into the awkward small talk, I was beginning to chastise my love of fries for getting me into this position when suddenly, my friends decided they were leaving. 'We really must be going', they started to say. All I heard was 'we can't cope with how awkward this is any more, so we're ditching you.'
Honestly, of all the betrayals I've dealt with in my life, this is up there with the worst. They started to slowly pack their things up as I shot them 'don't you dare leave me' glares and they looked at the floor. And then, like my own hopes for an easy escape, my friends were gone. This is when the evening turned from an awkward, I-can-laugh-about-this-later kind of first date to the wildest and weirdest first date I've ever been on.
In an attempt to fill the icy silence (I'm guessing) my date started to overshare... a lot. But not the fumbling 'my doctor says the infection will eventually go' type of oversharing. This was fully-fledged you-can't-be-serious confessions.
First he delved into his relationship history, where said he had dated a girl who 'looked just like my mum, but like hot.' It didn't quite work out with her, but not because she reminded him of his mum. Because he was coming on this date with me.
Yeah, he literally broke up with her right before leaving the house to come out with me. I was on a date with someone whose ex-girlfriend of an entire 45 minutes was continuing to text him asking what the hell was going on. Gentleman that he was, he even tried to show me them. I politely declined, of course.
If that wasn't weird enough, he then hit me with the big guns. Quite literally.
'I shot a guy one time. It was an accident, but I meant it, you know?', he says. 'No actually, I really don't know,' was all I could think to say. He went on to explain that it was his 'homie', and that he never intended to shoot him but that 'he stepped to me, so deserved what happened next'.
Yes, those were actual words that came out of his mouth.
Just as I was thinking about running for my life from the man who shoots his friends and then justifies it on first dates, he decided that it was prime time to ask for a game of truth or dare. 'If I win, I get a kiss,' he said, grabbing my wrist to force me into a pinky promise all the while attempting a suggestive wink. I wasn't playing.
'If I win, do I get to leave this terrible evening?' I wanted to say. Instead, I told him I didn't know how to play truth or dare (lol) and secretly started to open the Uber app on my phone - getting ready to do the old 'oh an Uber has miraculously appeared for me' excuse to leave.
But luckily, my good fortune turned when my mother, the angel that she is, called me. She just wanted to know if I wanted to come along to do some food shopping at Trader Joe’s, but to hear it from my side, you would have thought our neighborhood was under siege.
'You need me to come home? Right now? IMMEDIATELY? Okay okay, I’m on my way!', I shouted down the phone, all while doing the mouthing and pointing thing that people only convincingly pull off in films. He was just bewildered enough for me to snatch my picnic blanket up from under him, vaguely wave and proceed for the car park on the far side of the park so he couldn't follow me: at which point I realized: I never actually ordered that Uber.
I truly hoped I could forget this awful date and continue with my life free from the weird guy that accidentally-but-not-really shot someone, but of course it wasn't that simple. I quickly received a string of text messages from him where he not only accused me of wasting HIS time, but then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to hang out over and over again. 'No thanks, ever.' I told him.
I was free for a blissful two years until he popped up in my Instagram notifications recently and liked a ton of my pictures. Honestly, being an influencer is all fun-and-games until the ghost of bad dates past manages to find you on the explore page.
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