‘She tried to do it sneakily, like pretend she couldn’t come home because she was too nervous to go out,’ Katie*, 25 says. ‘But she had basically chosen to go into lockdown with a man she’s been with for not even three months and now I’m here alone.’
Katie has lived with her best friend, Alice*, for the last two years. They do everything together, and according to Katie have only had a handful of petty arguments during their five year friendship. But, when preventing the spread of coronavirus (Covid-19) became a priority in the UK and people began to work from home, Katie says she began to see Alice less and less in favour of her staying with her new boyfriend.
‘She was staying at his quite a lot already to be fair,’ she tells me. ‘But because they’re in a new relationship I wrote it off as the “honeymoon phase”. Then when lockdown was announced I text her asking if she was coming home and she said it wasn’t safe for her to leave.’
‘She’s not got any symptoms ,’ Katie continues – adding that Alice’s boyfriend is not symptomatic either. ‘She just doesn’t want to risk not being able to see him for weeks on end and is fine to let me be in quarantine alone in favour of him. What if I needed her? It’s made me really question our friendship.’
Katie isn’t alone – in fact, it seems many people have had to make the difficult decision to choose between a romantic partner and a friendship when it came to where to quarantine.
‘I live with my best friend but have a girlfriend who lives five minutes away and she used to be over a lot, say four to five days a week,’ says Joshua, 29. ‘Now with the current situation I had to make the difficult decision not to let her move in permanently.
‘She’s really upset,’ Joshua continues. ‘But we've only been together nine months so it was too soon. I know it was the right decision to make for our relationship and friendship with my friend.’
Hannah on the other hand, has seen her house share change dramatically with her best friend's boyfriend moving into their flat and two others move out. ‘I’m really lucky I get on with him well but I do anticipate it getting difficult living alone with a couple,’ she says.
‘My other two housemates have both moved out either because they’re vulnerable or want to be with family and I considered living with my boyfriend but he’s an NHS doctor living with three others so I’d be putting them all at risk,’ she explains. ‘It’s just hard spending your time with a happy couple when I know I can’t see my boyfriend. But luckily they are a happy couple because I don’t think I could deal with constant arguing like some probably are.’
Alongside the new experience of living with a couple, Hannah says she’s concerned about the fact they're all also working from home in a small, shared space – which may only get more frustrating the longer we’re told to stay in isolation.
Of course, it’s better than being completely alone – something Elise, 26, has found.
I’ve been home alone now for eight days and it’s getting really tough
‘My flatmate moved out to be with her partner when everything started to get more serious,’ she says. ‘I’ve been home alone now for eight days and it’s getting really tough. The days just kind of blend into one, I find myself wondering if I did that thing yesterday or today or two days ago? Who knows.
‘I'm still working and trying to keep to a schedule but with nobody around I kind of just idle and stagnate,’ Elise continues. ‘I’m trying to video chat with friends and family as much as possible but it's not the same as actually seeing humans in flesh and blood. It’s terrifying to think I have to do this for another three weeks.’
It seems that while we’re all pre-occupied with making the decisions best for our lives and families, friendships and living arrangements have been cast aside, leaving many in situations they couldn’t have imagined even a month ago. And as social distancing continues to impact our mental and emotional wellbeing, pressure is only building on friendships, causing many to potentially break.
What’s worth bearing in mind though, is not only are we all consumed by fear and anxiety right now, but hard decisions are being made quickly and by force. People’s priorities shift and change with time and in situations like this, thinking logically isn’t always realistic, so if social distancing has made you feel like less of a priority to your friends or partner – just remember, there’s more going on in their heads than how they feel about you. It’s literally not you, it’s them.
*names have been changed
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I've Been With My Boyfriend For Four Months – Should I Go Into Quarantine With Him?