Every once in a while comes the birth of a Twitter thread that perfectly encapsulates the meaning of the saying: if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Today, that very thread came up. When one woman asked her followers to share the ‘funniest excuse for cheating someone has given you’, she received a whole host of responses so ridiculous, they’re actually hilarious.
‘I’ll go,’ the original tweeter started, ‘my ex told me he cheated on me because I had a driving phobia.’
‘My ex told me he was sex deprived and scientifically that justified him sleeping around,’ another added. ‘The other girl bought him a Jimmy Johns sandwich so he had to pay her back somehow,’ one user said, to which US sandwich company hilariously responded ‘BOY, BYE!’.
‘He said my head was "too small" in comparison to his and he was worried that he'd always have to stand behind me in pictures???’ one user said. This one we literally cannot comprehend just how anyone’s brain can think these thoughts.
Naturally, the list goes on and on with a bunch of wild responses. But one of the most common we can’t get our head’s round? ‘She reminded me of you’. That excuse must come up a dozen times when you’re scrolling through this thread. So much so it’s as if there’s a handbook with a ‘get out of cheating free’ card listing this excuse.
But out favourite for just how absolutely psychotic it is: ‘he thought I was going through his phone so he wanted to do something for me to actually find.’
Honestly, these are the kind of excuses you almost want post-cheating, because at least then you have absolutely no hesitation in your mind before dumping the person who did the dirty on you.
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