A Case For Modelling Your Life After This Bisexual Polyamorous Goose

I have to say, I never thought I’d be jealous of a goose. Enter Thomas, the New Zealand born blind, bisexual, polyamorous goose. He’s making headlines this morning because he sadly passed away, aged 40, but don’t feel too sorry for him, he more than likely lived a better life than you are right now.

Thomas rose to fame in his hometown of Waikanae after his intense love life caught the attention of birdwatchers. Falling in love with a black swan named Henry, he spent 24 years in a monogamous relationship with his soul-goose. Then, in a dramatic turn of events (the first of many) his long-term partner fell for a new swan on the block, Henrietta.

Shunning the norms of sexuality and relationships, Thomas refused to let go of Henry and the trio quickly became engaged in polyamory, raising 68 cygnets together over the next six years. Honestly, it’s concerning that a goose is more evolved than most people when it comes to dating and sexual relationships.

Sadly, Thomas’ life was turned upside down again in 2009 when Henry died, and Henrietta fled with another swan. Wait, it gets worse. Attempting to piece his life back together, Thomas fathered his own children, only for them to be STOLEN by another goose called George.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

In 2013, as his eyesight started to deteriorate, he was taken to Wellington Bird Rehabilitation Trust where he made friends with other blind birds and fostered more cygnets. According to the Trust, he was an excellent father to all of his broods. Of course, he was, HE IS CLEARLY A NATIONAL HERO.

In a Facebook post by the Trust, they said:

‘Thank you Thomas for proving that there is life even after sight. You were a true inspiration for the work we do and the things we are able to achieve for the animals in our care.’

Wait, it doesn’t end there. They have also announced Thomas will be buried next to Henry where they originally lived together. The ceremony will be public, and no doubt packed with people- it’s all I can do not to book a flight to New Zealand right now.

Honestly, if we have learnt anything from Thomas, it’s that love and relationships don’t have to fit into the oppressive boundaries we’ve created for ourselves (yes, I am trying to make a serious case for polyamory based off the life of a goose). We’re still so judgemental of relationships that fit outside the norm, but is it really healthy to expect to have all of your emotional and sexual needs met by one person?

We put a tonne of pressure on our partners to fulfil every need, and get frustrated or leave when that doesn’t happen despite the fact it’s actually quite irrational to expect one person to do so. Of course, dating multiple people to have all of those needs met isn’t going to be right for everyone, and that’s also perfectly okay. But what we should take from this is that instead of judging polyamory, take a further look at how illogical monogamy really is.

Different types of relationships are all down to personal preference, and one shouldn’t be shunned just because it’s outside the norm. So, if you or your partner are needing more from a monogamous relationship, take a leaf out of Thomas’ book and try out some other styles of dating. He lived his best life, it’s time for you to live yours.

Move over Amber Rose, Thomas the Goose is our new sex positivity icon.

If you're not already crying, just check out all of these insanely cute dogs...

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.