Judging by Reddit’s Am I The Asshole thread, weddings seem to be a significant source of stress, drama, and conflict in people’s lives. And today’s viral post comes from a 33-year-old woman who wants to know if she’s the arsehole for refusing to have her facial scar photoshopped in her wedding pictures. Right off the bat, we’re going to say she’s not.
Explaining the scenario in a post that has since been voted on 23,000 times, the original poster (OP) wrote of how her fiancé Aaron told her he thought she should have the scar on her face photoshopped in the pictures from their big day: ‘I laughed thinking he was joking but he said it was for real,’ she wrote.
‘I was taken aback, but he explained that this is what photoshopping is for and that these are wedding photos that last for years and he’d rather them be flawless. I looked at him and asked if he sees my face as a flaw, he immediately apologised and said absolutely not, it’s just that all couples point out what should and should not be photoshopped to get the best wedding photos.’
Is it just us or are there some serious red flags waving in the wind here? Aaron might have said that his wife-to-be’s face isn’t a flaw but he’s certainly acting like it. If he loves her as she is then surely he should respect her judgment on whether to keep them in the photos or not. So, where is this motivation coming from?
‘He then admitted it was his mum’s suggestion,’ the OP explained. ‘He saw that she had a point this time. I refused and we began fighting. Aaron said that I was being a huge overreactor and that it’s not about the scar itself, but the overall look of the photos and [that] I was being too sensitive for no reason.’
The OP then detailed how she also had an argument with her mother-in-law over the Photoshop suggestion and that most of the women in Aaron’s family were on his side. Attempting to justify the need for her scar being edited, they told the woman that photoshopping is for people who aren’t happy with their appearance and ‘lots of people do it’.
‘I told them I’m different because I’m not bothered by my appearance,’ the OP wrote. ‘Nor do I want to change it for any reason or occasion…They went on to say I need therapy to cope with my past trauma, but I don’t think my refusal has anything to do with it.
‘Aaron is visibly upset with my response,’ she continued . ‘He said he loves me no matter what and I was ridiciculous to be hung up on this non-issue and holding it against him and his family who want what’s best for me.
‘I don’t know if this is just my past insecurities popping up,’ the OP worried. ‘And I’m not sure if I’m overreacting and getting offended for no reason.’ This stinks of gaslighting and the OP is absolutely not getting upset for no reason. She has seemingly worked really hard to get to a place where she’s proud of her facial scar and feels good without covering it up.
For the man that’s meant to love her unconditionally (a claim he’s made with words but not actions) to suggest hiding it on their wedding day because it’s a ‘flaw’ is really damaging and regressive. It seems as though Aaron and his family are the ones that could benefit from therapy if they’re this fixated on wanting to make everything smooth and perfect.
Life is bumpy and bruised with scars and dirt and everything else that comes with it. Concealing that for the sake of making your wedding photos look like an advert and hurting the feels and self-esteem of your partner in the process just isn’t healthy or kind.
As one Reddit user pointed out: ‘She shouldn’t be reconsidering the photoshop. She should be reconsidering the fiancé.’
AITA For Not Paying My Brother-In-Law For Babysitting? Yes, Probably