Weddings are notoriously expensive. On average in the UK, they cost £17,300 a time. So, it makes sense that couples would only want to share the spenny experience with their nearest and dearest. Yet, as detailed in Reddit’s latest Am I The Arsehole (AITA) drama, one woman’s family are angry at her after she banned their plus ones from her wedding.
‘I’m getting married and like every other bride I have certain rules for my wedding to go smoothly,’ she wrote on the thread. ‘One of them is the no plus ones rule. Only people named in the invitation are invited.’
However, there are amendments to the cutthroat rule: plus ones will be permitted if both the bride and groom know them. ‘If I know your partner and my fiancé doesn’t, that disqualifies them and vice versa,’ the bride. explained of the fine print.
In addition, the bride would need to know the plus one well enough already to want to go for dinner with them and would need to want to invite them to her wedding - regardless of whether they were her friend’s date or not.
‘Those who meet that criteria get to bring their partners,’ she explained. ‘If they don’t, then they don’t get to bring them. Simple. That also excludes long term relationships, engaged couples and married couples… We know it might seem harsh but those are the rules we’ve decided to be more comfortable. It has nothing to do with budget or venue capacity,’ the bride continued. ‘Purely our choice.’
As you might expect, several people have begun declining their invite to the wedding because of the plus one rule. One absentee was the bride’s cousin, which was where the drama began.
‘My cousin has been engaged to this girl for one year now and he was upset we didn’t include her,’ the bride wrote. ‘My fiancé hasn’t met her and she’s not a person I’d personally be friends with either.
‘I told my cousin how heartbroken I am that he won’t come to the wedding and expressed my distaste for the fact he can’t be away from his fiancée for a few hours to honour me and my fiancé. Couples don’t have to be together for the whole time,’ she said.
Here, a grey area starts to emerge. While it’s true that couples don’t need to be together 24/7, the original poster (OP) and her cousin are clearly close, and you’d guess that she’ll be spending more and more time with his fiancé following their engagement. If the bride's fiancé hasn’t met the cousin’s partner, then it might be time to change that.
And, even if the cousin's fiancé isn't someone the OP would ‘personally be friends with’ it's important to respect your family’s romantic choices and make the effort. If she was just a casual girlfriend, it might be a different story — but they’re planning to spend their lives together.
‘He basically told me I’m being extremely disrespectful and a huge arsehole,’ the OP wrote. ‘He said word for word, “Let me get this clear. You want me to come to honour you to your wedding, honour your love story and all that, but you can't respect me enough to invite my fiancée?”’
Unwilling to budge, she told him those were the rules, which he said were ‘exclusive and disrespectful’ and chose not to attend. Essentially, the OP was within her rights for setting boundaries – but we would have made an acceptation for future family. She’s given her guests the option to take it or leave their invitation - and she can’t be upset if they choose the latter.
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